claude shwartz

just some thoughts i had.

[toeknee @tonypraysick]

me getting stopped by the national guard in the subway station:

[claude shwartz @claudeshwartz]

Somehow it’s at this day in my life I just did the most Lana coded thing ever.

[claude shwartz @claudeshwartz]

@ludwighurtado Simp

[claude shwartz @claudeshwartz]

@ludwighurtado @moonjuiceshop You’re single handedly running idol stand twitter

[claude shwartz @claudeshwartz]

A guy just told me I have both dainty and large hands. He also said he’d never date a girl who is larger than a 26 inch waist

[claude shwartz @claudeshwartz]

@DAVIDPLEASESTOP Bagel chaser

[claude shwartz @claudeshwartz]

Yoga instructor: “set an intention for today’s practice.”

Me: “I intend to build a big, fat, juicy ass.”

[claude shwartz @claudeshwartz]

@iamadilettante LMFAO

[claude shwartz @claudeshwartz]

Yes, my acting class is a cult

[violet valentine @slutpilled]

2023 is the year of the girlbulge

[claude shwartz @claudeshwartz]

Just went on a date with a guy who spent $60 on a raw pork loin for himself at meat hook. Is this williamsburg masculinity in 2023?

[claude shwartz @claudeshwartz]

@atticuscarnell And nb’s are Toyota priuses

[claude shwartz @claudeshwartz]

@atticuscarnell But onions are boys and shallots are girls

[Pop Base @PopBase]

Kendall Jenner announces her horse is expecting a baby via surrogate.

[claude shwartz @claudeshwartz]

My balenciaga reeks of weed

[claude shwartz @claudeshwartz]

@iamadilettante Works for the brand babe