✨V✨

writer, comedian, tagalong • BA in English with minors in Psychology and Economics • original content

[✨V✨ @coolauntV]

are duolingo employees ok?

[Kayligula @kayleighceilidh]

Putting on a face mask feeling all uwu skincare girlypop and then you look in the mirror and it’s just

[✨V✨ @coolauntV]

Me: I know I like someone when I want to tell them really mundane things

My mom: wow you must like a lot of people

[jo @whatsJo]

me, as a child: *walks into the kitchen covered in my own blood holding a rabbit I fought from a hawk*

my mom, on the phone: *mouthing* I’m on the phone

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

One of my favorite human traits is when someone sees the moon and immediately feels the need to tell someone else to go look at it.

[Mira Gonzalez @miragonz]

the hottest woman you know does not have a single surface in her home that isn't covered in a pile of bullshit. you cannot place a beverage on her coffee table

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

growing up there was a cody in every elementary school class but as an adult i haven't met a cody in years. where did they go

[✨V✨ @coolauntV]

going to AllRecipes dot com and typing “meth” in the search bar

[✨V✨ @coolauntV]

There are two types of people in this world: people who turn everything into a false dichotomy and people who think that shit is annoying

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

I feel embarrassed for people who need protein popcorn/soda/whatever to hit their protein goals. Like wait you're not beanmaxxing? Lmao brother. You're not Riding The Bean Horse? You child. Come to me when you have seen the face of Bean and have become Bean.

[Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91]

YouTube employee: Yes there will be more ads, but after 15 seconds, users can skip them.

Boss: How long are the ads if they don't hit the "skip" button?

Employee: Roughly 6 hours

[✨V✨ @coolauntV]

Been keeping five $0.20 comet feeder fish in a giant bowl and/or small pond in my living space (highly recommend btw) for over a year and one of them has a super flowy tail and likes to pretend like they’re dead. Every time I see them i’m like “that’s my girl”

[roxy demento @falseroxy]

you guys would love a gas station in central florida

[໊ @wynavira]

FUCKKKKKKK what if something bad happened and i forgot to worry about it

[Neet @neet_sol]

bro it’s a job interview just don’t be yourself and lie the entire time and everything will be fine

[gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi]

The first time my mom met my gf (who had just gotten off a five hour flight) she said “well you dressed comfortably!” which is the equivalent of if the first time I met her father he shot me in the face

[໊໊ @juniorkingpp]

This is the closest thing to Gun control American has had

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

Earth day is just a made up holiday to sell more planets.

[haycab @haylgnar]

I am dating intentionally

[✨V✨ @coolauntV]

I have never related more to an animal than on Planet Earth 2 when the great bowerbird is taking a potential mate on a tour of his garbage-filled nest and the other bird leaves immediately

[Aron Fromm @aronfromm]

A little short I made about Norm.