Erin

I'm mostly here to complain about my neighbors.

[Mark Hamill @MarkHamill]

That debate was the worst thing I've ever seen & I was in The Star Wars Holiday Special.

[devon sawa @DevonESawa]

If you don’t have kids stop complaining about being quarantined.

[Erin @coolsings]

Why do pool guys always sit in their trucks for a solid 25 minutes when they pull up to a house?

[Danny Elfman @dannyelfman]

From "Batman" to Coachella, Danny Elfman reflects on 35 years of TV and film scoring https://t.co/n023yxGvJS

[Erin @coolsings]

At a family party and O is telling this woman I’ve never particularly liked our family’s entire life story, including the fact that his mother is 7 years older than his father. She dead ass told my 6 yo son that I’m a cougar.

[devon sawa @DevonESawa]

Your kids watch your behavior. They act like you act. If you’re a piece of shit to others, there’s a good chance they’re gonna be a piece of shit to others too. So the next time you’re fighting over a parking spot or criticizing someone’s looks, take notice on who’s taking notice

[Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker]

I don’t have a lot of friends. Maybe it’s because I find maintaining friendships hard. Instead, I would say I have three or four people I consider my best friends who 100% absolutely do not consider me theirs

[Erin @coolsings]

@Williamson_Josh @MikeSHenderson @Adam_Guzowski @JohnJHill How exciting, Josh! Can’t wait.

[Emo Kylo Ren @KyloR3n]

dear diary
today was a lot

[Erin @coolsings]

I honestly can’t remember if this is one of the parody accounts I follow or the actual dipshit in office.

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Can you believe that I will be impeached today by the Radical Left, Do Nothing Democrats, AND I DID NOTHING WRONG! A terrible Thing. Read the Transcripts. This should never happen to another President again. Say a PRAYER!

[Erin @coolsings]

Me: Look guys, you can watch any Disney movie ever made on the new Disney+!!!
Oliver: I wanna watch football.
Nadine: I wanna watch YouTube.
😑

[Erin @coolsings]

Tonight I discovered that I have washed at least 3 loads of laundry with fabric softener. ONLY fabric softener.

[Erin @coolsings]

@StayGolden84 Leave me alone, change my sign, flip me over.

[Erin @coolsings]

Overheard in the school supply section at Target:
Guy 1: Dude, hang on, I’m running out of my favorite pens.. ::searching:: “uuuughhhhh c’mon 0.7....”
Guy 2: (repulsed) “Ew. 0.7??? C’mon bro, 0.5 is where it’s at.”
Guy 2 is my hero.

[Erin @coolsings]

@FoodNetwork @GuyFieri Guy Fieri v. SPF 30

[Erin @coolsings]

Last night I attended my 20 year high school reunion and in a bizarre twist of reality ended up spending the majority of my time with football and soccer players instead of band members.

[Erin @coolsings]

Ok, hear me out... what if... we all went back to MySpace, but didn’t tell any old people.

[Erin @coolsings]

This is normal behavior for hummingbirds because they are, in fact, total assholes.

[Erin @coolsings]

Experienced my first lockdown drill today. So glad we interrupted 15 minutes of learning so people can keep their AR-(tiny pen)15(es).

[Erin @coolsings]

Guilty.