Coreytcomedy

NYC Comedian Listen to Kind of an Expert Podcast below:

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

Every drug is performance enhancing if you're doing the right activity

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

Unless you’re a dirty little weather slut of course

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

NYC is getting fucked by humidity from El Niño from the South and fucked by Canadian wildfires from the North at the same time.

Meteorologists are officially calling this phenomenon “Getting Eiffel Towered by the weather,” and they recommend you stay indoors

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

Jet fuel doesn’t melt steel beams but it does melt I-95

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

The forest fires put the blue light filter on NYC

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

There is nothing sadder than a sad man in full team face paint

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

The perfect relationship is one person who wears sweatshirts and one person who wears flannels

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

If two gay people match on Bumble, who has to chat first?

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

Elon Musk is gonna be hiring for the moon base like

Moon Base Operator: scorching hot days, freezing cold nights, never see anyone you care about again, the moon dust literally cuts the inside of your lungs if you track it into the base.

$20 per hour

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

The Blue Light Glasses stay ON during sex

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

“I normally don’t like smoking weed but I would smoke with you” is a top 5 compliment

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

Just realized I have the same outfit on as a gay man and I dont think I’ve ever been more proud of myself

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

Americans only enjoy watching soccer because they get to yell at the TV in a British accent for a couple hours

[Jeremy Reisman @DetroitOnLion]

Today I learned that Jamaal Williams got kicked out of BYU for a year because of sex.

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

TFW you miss your train by 3 seconds and you remember the face of every slow walker you got slowed down by on your way to the station

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

A couple was running in the middle of an icy road and when I passed them in my car they waved at me to say thank you. To show my displeasure, I decided not to wave back which, in midwestern culture is the equivalent of spitting on them and cursing their unborn children

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

White people sing along to “Sweet Caroline” like it’s the only thing they have left of their culture

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

Quick fix for NYC No. 1:
Make cars where when you honk the horn it kills the driver

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

Hit my weight goal so now I can put croutons back on my salads

[Jesse @imjessetownsend]

Normalize smelling salts at your 9-5

[Coreytcomedy @coreytcomedy]

Amy Schumer is the Nickelback of comedy. You hate her now but in 15 years you’re gonna realize her old stuff is pretty good