robert schmurder

𓆣 𓆏 I bartend and am nervous

[turbomander @turbomander]

do u think a really upset king was ever pouting on his throne when he heard the jingle jingle of his jester running towards him and cracked a lil smile cause he knew everything was gonna be alright

[robert schmurder @corn65badboy]

@staticvect0r @ratxgurl “Can’t risk it” bitch made

[robert schmurder @corn65badboy]

@Nicklanier828 @Maia_dancer13 @KequeMage @ratxgurl You sound jealous and bitter :/

[Letters of Note @LettersOfNote]

RIP David Hockney

[robert schmurder @corn65badboy]

Getting 0 likes will never stop me from tweeting because I will be dead some day

[robert schmurder @corn65badboy]

@heyitslilylane @WhoHasTheBag stand up

[robert schmurder @corn65badboy]

As it turns out, one single tuck-and-roll makes me dizzy these days. 8 year old me would be ashamed

[robert schmurder @corn65badboy]

Mom saw me and said “WOW you look good!” 🎉🎉🎉

[robert schmurder @corn65badboy]

My grandpa was Mark II, my dad’s Mark III, and my brother’s Mark IV. Grandpa would have been so stoked to know that Mark V was born last week. RIP Grandpa and welcome to the world Mach 5 🥲

[Thing Bad @Merman_Melville]

Being a billionaire must be insane. You can buy new teeth, new skin. All your chairs cost 20,000 dollars and weigh 2,000 pounds. Your life is just a series of your own preferences. In terms of cognitive impairment it's probably like being kicked in the head by a horse every day

[robert schmurder @corn65badboy]

I’m having a Kevin from the office moment driving around with two massive trays of baked beans

[robert schmurder @corn65badboy]

Property managements landscapers just weed whacked my whole garden to pieces😭 it had a clean rock barrier around it and labels sticking out of the ground for every plant so I assumed they’d know not to hurt them. I am Sad About It

[robert schmurder @corn65badboy]

Where my Johnny tsunamiheads

[benevolent madeline @reglarwoman]

neighborhood child with a noble cause

[Anne 🐗🐍🦃 @GovernorAnne]

Absolutely no worse place to be single than the airport. Couples and families everywhere dawdling along at half the normal walking pace, headed off to visit friends and family meanwhile I haven’t had sex in like a year and I’m flying to Reno because some chick killed my dad

[misa! @misak1nz]

you find it fun because you are fun. you find people kind because you’re kind. you find love everywhere because you’ve been carrying it

[robert schmurder @corn65badboy]

Straight people shouldn’t be allowed to be horny. It’s just for reproduction

[robert schmurder @corn65badboy]

Crying while writing this Mother’s Day letter because I just love that lady so damn much

[robert schmurder @corn65badboy]

I want a personal trainer not least because I think my need to be liked would help motivate me to do well with them

[blue @bluewmist]

every time you replace “this is hard” with “what’s the first step?” you shift brain activity from your amygdala (fear) to your prefrontal cortex (problem-solving).
that’s neuroplasticity in real time.