cotton eyed hoe

got more drip than a sinus infection

[cotton eyed hoe @cottoneyedho]

pardon my french but what the FUCK is an egg

[Birgit Umaigba-Omoruyi @birgitomo]

Nurses should not have to pay back student loans. Not after fighting this war.

[kristofer thomas @kristoferthomas]

my therapist: be kinder to yourself!

my brain: yeah be kinder to yourself you fucking idiot

[Asia Leigh @asialbx]

I wanna be able to summon her like a Pokémon every time I get into an argument with a man

[Peter Lay @itspeterlay]

Why does “calling in sick” feel like a crime? 🧐

[cotton eyed hoe @cottoneyedho]

he literally said the n-word but okay

[KB @literallyKB]

Hot girls listen to Morgan Wallen sry I don’t make the rules

[Beach Bunny @BeachBunnyMusic]

Everyone plz get vaccinated/ tell your family and friends to get vaccinated so we don’t have to move the tour for a third time!!! 😙💕😙💕✌️

[cotton eyed hoe @cottoneyedho]

did anyone else use the neutrogena wave as their very first vibrator or was it just me

[Lauren Calhoun @laurenncalhoun]

I have 2 Music Midtown weekend passes I need to get rid of! Selling for $160 each or to the best offer! My friend and I can’t go anymore due to our jobs, and we need them gone ASAP

[cotton eyed hoe @cottoneyedho]

@0600Hours roar by Katy Perry

[oat milk princess 🇵🇸 @heartluvr2000]

i tweet for the girls who get oat milk in their coffee but cream cheese on their bagel. representation matters

[lea chin-sang @bigfatmoosepssy]

when a cat is Orange, that can be a very special thing

[Dr. Glaucomflecken @DGlaucomflecken]

My technician leaves me notes about things I should know before I enter a patient’s room. I think my technician needs a raise.

[CJB @coreyjbradford]

i had no choice. there were no other options. THIS GOES DOWN IN HISTORY!

[VALERIA @valvsval]

This is so funny im sorry

[cotton eyed hoe @cottoneyedho]

@agoofymoofy ill have to tag you if i get another random one! it’s sooo funny also I love your @