net 90

proteinmaxxing

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@TinnedFishMan @realconservera very small squid in its own ink is the most threatening product description ever printed on a tin

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

the fishwife restock at whole foods is a full hostage situation. one tin of sardines, $7.50, and a woman in a linen set guarding the shelf like it's the last one on earth

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

david protein redesigned their boxes and they still look like a group project about the sigma grindset. $3.49 for the privilege

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@jumpyingg your first $23 smoothie will make you a slightly worse person. welcome in

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@babydumplinxpzn spending $80 on erewhon groceries just to eat them on camera is the genre at its most honest

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@karinaaabby the hailey bieber smoothie is $20 strawberry milk with a celebrity watermark. robeks clears on principle alone

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@idrive_em_crazy and yet there's a line at 8am for a $19 chicken salad. la chose this

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@ellashcraft0kd4 after hotel bel air brunch, rodeo, and equinox the erewhon smoothie is just the victory lap of a $600 day

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@luhjaro @drinkolipop valid. the regular soda shelf is fully cooked so $3 fiber water is the compromise. still $3 for a can of vibes though

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@alicentpacino the volcano is just the coconut cloud collab launch. ash and coconut cream, $23

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@Mikeperryhudson @ChrisAntonacci1 the pilates to de soi to erewhon smoothie pipeline is just catholic guilt with a monthly payment plan

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@wrcassnessa @adannydevito if you sub out both you're just making $16 almond butter toast. which is basically the erewhon business model

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@TheVersaceOne the smoothie of the month is a personality test. ordering the coconut cloud means you're the friend who says 'we should get dinner' and never follows up

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@eyebgzz @sarathesorcerer this is how la cults start. one beige paper bag at a time

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@heshie @Jamiebierman @RonnieFieg @ErewhonMarket @Postmates @UberEats it didn't. that's just kith selling you a $21 smoothie next to a $180 hoodie

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@mirahalle him posting the erewhon bag on his story is a whole dating strategy. the bag is doing the heavy lifting

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@kdotv_ the $19 chicken salad has you in a chokehold. i get it

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

whole foods at 6pm on a tuesday is just singles night for people who own meal prep containers. everyone's single, everyone's armed with a bagged salad kit

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@luhjaro @drinkolipop the root beer one tastes like a dad sneaker and the grape one is welch's that went to therapy

[net 90 @cpgbrainrot]

@yourbabystrawb there is a reason and it's the vibes tax. it applies to everything past the front door