Here I Am

Recently diagnosed #cptsd and trying to make sense of the last 35 years. Academic, dad, husband. Surviving (I think) child abuse

[Here I Am @cptsd_man]

My story and why I’m here.

Since I was a teenager struggling with #depression and #sefharm I’ve struggled with bouts of depression and, increasingly #anxiety. I knew that my childhood wasn’t the nicest, and I was different, in some ways, ‘normal’/mainstream in others

[Here I Am @cptsd_man]

@Dan_C_PTSD Thanks Dan. I’m sorry to hear about your similarities, but yes I agree there must literally be thousands if not millions of people in a similar place. I think getting a diagnosis is probably a gift…although it doesn’t feel like it yet!

[Here I Am @cptsd_man]

My story and why I’m here.

Since I was a teenager struggling with #depression and #sefharm I’ve struggled with bouts of depression and, increasingly #anxiety. I knew that my childhood wasn’t the nicest, and I was different, in some ways, ‘normal’/mainstream in others

[Laura McGlinn @Stargazer1210]

@cptsd_man
@LifingWithCPTSD @CPTSDRecovery @PTSDEducation @depression_ptsd @Fifeacesforum @ACE_Centre_UoG @ACEAwareNation @AcesScotland @WL_AcesHub @ACEsCanada2020 @cptsdfoundation @PTSD_complex @OOTSComplexPTSD @HealingCPTSD

[Spike @fastingfuming]

In therapy today I raised that I thought I might have borderline personality disorder, and should I seek a diagnosis? She essentially said it might reduce my quality of life and access to certain things due to stigma, if I sought that diagnosis. How bloody sad is that

[Spike @fastingfuming]

Thread of my blog posts about mental health, in one handy place:

Homepage: https://t.co/O9gzWhmb0f

[Spike @fastingfuming]

Having a close circle of FRIENDS >>>>> having lots of 'friends'

[Spike @fastingfuming]

Me: Struggles with feeling alone in this vast, cruel world

Also me: Just leave me the fuck alone

😅

#mentalillness

[Spike @fastingfuming]

I’ve been blogging openly about my mental health, and have started a weight loss challenge as part of a drive to turn my life around. I’d really appreciate a like or a retweet, or some feedback. Tbh I need the moral support! And maybe I’ll help someone too https://t.co/fqjhsVYPtQ

[Spike @fastingfuming]

I’ve just had a major meltdown thanks to having to speak to my mum today. I’ve written about it to try to capture what #cptsd feels like.

https://t.co/cMrdTQLMJ3

[Spike @fastingfuming]

Another post from the heart, I’m talking about the challenges of being a dad with #cptsd . Had to get this off my chest today. Scary one to press ‘publish’ on though 😰

https://t.co/1gJyO6nICn

[Spike @fastingfuming]

Happy weekending. Today’s blog post explains a bit about why I usually HATE the weekend.

Tw: #csa, #trauma, #cptsd, #suicidalideation

https://t.co/nrXTFq4CJw

[Here I Am @cptsd_man]

@BloomingButter5 That sounds very useful, thank you

[Here I Am @cptsd_man]

I’ve spent most of my adult life trying not to be my dad. Now I have a daughter and whenever I’m parenting her I’m triggered. It’s like I’m a little kid again, seeing my dad’s face and mannerisms. Then I notice those mannerisms in myself and hate myself. It’s awful on many levels

[Here I Am @cptsd_man]

Thus concludes a pointless thread.

[Here I Am @cptsd_man]

I never know what to say on here. I’m crap at Twitter. Add that to being crap at talking in real life and I’m on to winner

[Here I Am @cptsd_man]

Mainly I log into this account because I’m thinking of crying for help. But then I think people will just think I’m negative if all my tweets are ‘want to kill myself again today’…

[Here I Am @cptsd_man]

Having a very tough few months #cptsd

[Here I Am @cptsd_man]

@HannahEHarris12 I’m still here!

[Here I Am @cptsd_man]

Find that all I can do at home is take myself away as much as possible. I know this isn’t a good situation but it’s better than flaring up with anger all the time. I’m trying SO hard all. the. time, but can’t escape how I’m wired 😫

[Here I Am @cptsd_man]

Started medication in Feb. After some dosage issues I find it’s helping. But still struggling massively when triggered, and my rage is overwhelming. Have a new therapist soon and reaching out to some other organisations in the desperate hope I can break the cycle of abuse

[Here I Am @cptsd_man]

@ALutarContinuar Hi Paul, thanks for your message. I’m in the south west and have found a very good therapist, thankfully. She is helping me a lot - not that it always feels that way.... I’m glad you’ve found some help

[Here I Am @cptsd_man]

Next counselling session tomorrow. Feel like she doesn’t want to see me and doesn’t feel capable of helping me (possibly paranoia but she said I need a trauma specialist but there aren’t any around). Wants me to lead sessions but I don’t know where to start. Any advice? #cptsd