Adrienne Airhart Helberg

comedy • linguistics • psychedelics • cannabis. Chronic ex-wife. Former dancer. Extremely married.

[Adrienne Airhart Helberg @craydrienne]

My Mexican waiter put my food down in front of another white lady who looked nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait that's not my waiter.

[Nick Cruse 🥋 @SocialistMMA]

So let me get this straight, it was revealed that the United States ruling class is full of child torturing pedophiles and the reaction of the American people wasn’t to immediately revolt, but to vote out Thomas Massie who helped expose the scandal

America is cooked 💀

[Winter @LeftyWinter]

“I don’t do politics.”
Well, now you're doing $6 gas.

[ThePatrioticBlonde™🇺🇸 @ImBreckWorsham]

So, the Trumpers who signed up for the $500 Trump phone YEARS ago and have still not received them just got an email saying they will NEVER receive them and.....wait for it.....wait for it......

Trump's keeping their deposit.

🤣😂🤣 Art of the grift.

[The Green Dragon Tavern @greendragonhq]

Just learned something highly disturbing about Iran.

Did you guys know if a 12 year old girl is impregnated by her father she is required to carry the baby until birth or risk being thrown in prison for the rest of her life?

Oh wait, that’s just Texas and Alabama.

[Mistress Dividend @mistressdivy]

So if they're using Aliens to distract us from the Epstein Files, is this technically Alien vs. Predator? 🤔 

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

I’m not about to let capitalism gaslight me into being a bad person. You don’t think everyone deserves food, shelter, clean water, and healthcare? That’s sad as hełł. Maybe you should reevaluate yourself.

[Elizabeth Booker Houston @booker_squared]

*Me being forced to read another 92 pages of the Supreme Court taking away my rights all because Metheny and Metthew voted for a white nationalist because they believe that taxing the rich puts their $27,942.53 annual salary and double-wide trailer at risk*

[Glenn Tunes @glenn_tunes]

AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT FINDS IT FUCKING INSANE THAT THE MAJORITY OF THE US GOVERNMENT IS ACTUALLY TRYING TO PUNISH A COMEDIAN FOR TELLING A JOKE, BUT NOT THE PRESIDENT FOR TERRORIZING THE WORLD AND THREATENING TO DEMOLISH AN ENTIRE CIVILIZATION 🤷

RIDICULOUS 🤡

[Libriscent @libriscent]

I just heard someone on TikTok say "this is the first time in history women are dating men for their character. And that's why no one is dating." and she was right.

[Adrienne Airhart Helberg @craydrienne]

Does Karoline Leavitt get to keep her baby? Serious question. She’s on his shit list now…

[ajanwachuku. @ajanwachuku]

I hate when my side hustle (my job) gets in the way of my main hustle (dilly dallying)

[MFWitches @MFWitches]

How the fuck do we live on a planet where Martha Stewart spent 5 months in jail for a dodgy $45,000 stock market deal but Trump and his sons make billions and billions using blatant manipulation via their genocidal war and not one US Democrat or large media org is saying jack shit?

#NewsCorpse

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

The clitoris has over 8000 nerve endings and it's still not as sensitive as a man on Twitter who has been told he's wrong.

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

So let me get this fucking straight…
MAGA wants Trump reading the Bible in the Oval Office and the Ten Commandments in public schools, but the Pope should stay out of politics? Be fucking serious

[Not Your Average Liberal @NotAvgLiberal]

This should fucking terrify everyone.

[Henry VIII @SussexHenryVIII]

People under 30 might not remember that we could go weeks without hearing from or thinking about the President of the United States.

[Maryam @hell_line0]

Tampons are taxed. Abortion is banned. IVF is under threat. Meanwhile, Viagra is covered by insurance. Priorities aren't hidden, they're legislated.

[Andrea Junker @Strandjunker]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but we are not a Christian nation. We are a nation where you are free to be a Christian.

Your religion guides you, not all of us. It’s as simple as that.

[Hear in LA @hearinladotcom]

BECAUSE TRUMP FUCKED KIDS AND IS TRYING TO DISTRACT YOU

[Kia 🧸ྀི @xevekiah]

Most men are gay. They're literally gay. Because they don't really like us women. Our natural bodies, they think it's gross. Our interests, they think it's cringe. Spending time with us, they think it's like a responsibility. And if a guy has a girlfriend, and instead of date night with her, he genuinely wants to be with the boys, and he feels it's a punishment that he can't spend time with his boys, he doesn't really like her. So I genuinely think most men are gay but they haven't figured it out because being gay is like also too feminine for them and they don't like feminine things.