Dad Shorts™

Cool. SICK. Yeah.

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

I'm here and I'm queer.

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

@dana_dami Well you were never my favorite Taurus because Tauruses suck and astrology isn't real.

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

@dana_dami If I remember correctly I caught that pillow case on fire falling asleep with a cigarette in my hand.

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

Fuq.

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

@dana_dami Four: kids who listened to Asking Alexandria. Those are the ones you have to be careful of today.

[Caroline Siede @CarolineSiede]

23-year-old Ariana Grande is showing more dignity & grace in the face of terrorism than the 70-year-old man supposedly leading the free word

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

I log onto Twitter for the first time in weeks and Dana is yelling about Muse and locked out of her accounts what else is new.

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

@dana_dami

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

What if my god complex is actually the unhealthy coping mechanism I developed for my self hatred since 8 & NOT because of the bullshit stars

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

This is my first day off in two weeks I'm drunk and playing Pokemon.

[THE HOT BABIE HIPPO⁷ saw 134340 🪐✨ @melaninbarbie]

i was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs and every afternoon I break my arms. At night I lie awake in agony https://t.co/vjDTZAp7Vf

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

@saldepan this is a nice dog

[Cabbage Facts @realcabbagefact]

what is wrong with my family

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

I'm just waiting to make that annual christmas eve status.

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

@saldepan @dana_dami this is why we're like this.

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

Um, duh? https://t.co/Fu6IPX19fq

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

@dana_dami You cannot fight a wendigo.

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

The man. The moth. The legend.

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

I got four hours of sleep and am awake because Jenna wants fries.

[Dad Shorts™ @crossley_brian]

@tricksterl just posted it on jenna's blog for you