Crozby

—-disregard

[Clavicular @Clavicular0]

I hate positivity copers so much who force themselves to only see the upside in things. I just arrived to Greece and dudes are already coping that it mogs because of a few traits like the weather.

JFL, as if its not a jester-desert with barely any wifi and a bunch of turbo retards on motorbikes.

[Clavicular @Clavicular0]

My new strategy is going to be Geomaxing. The United States is far too brutal of a dating market to compete in, so im going to geomax to countries with poor economies to mog people.

[RXKNephew @NEPHEWRXK]

Why Tf bring up what I did yesterday or last year ? That’s like complaining bout dinosaurs shitting all over earth

[Ricky Hollywood @victim_burn77]

Hey this is my homie who makes sure the dentist doesn’t touch me gay style when I’m knocked out by the gas and my other homie who watches him for the same reason

[Fugs 🇵🇸🇾🇪🇱🇧🔻 @FugeusRedux]

If you’re an Iranian soldier and die, the government recognises how you’re a immortal martyred hero in the tradition of Imam Hussain at the battle of Karbala, if you’re an American soldier in Operation Epstein fury they talk about how you are a male Quirk Chungus who loved brands

[The Gramercy Goblin @Gramercy_Goblin]

In NYC 9/10 times it is more efficient to leave the bar, find a place on the street to pee, pee, and walk back to the bar than it is to wait in the bathroom line.

[b @bmontxna]

@Grimezsz people only tolerate this kind of behavior from people who are physically beautiful and somewhat well-dressed.

[rage baiting aggy @DfishAfish]

Who the FUCK texting me

[dolo @doloyeung]

My father never accepted Yoshi's addition to the Mario series only ever referring to him as "The Serpent". "The Serpent is at best a tool not a character", he'd say. One Christmas I asked for Yoshi's Story and instead received a bible. "The Serpent's story is in there", he said

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

A man in Kansas City told me the meat would be ready at four in the afternoon.

He started it at three in the morning.

Thirteen hours. For one meal. I want that understood. In my country we have fought entire battles in less time and gone home.

I asked if I could keep him company. He said, "If you want."

That was the longest sentence he spoke for two hours.

I prepared for the vigil the way a man prepares for a vigil. I brought a notebook. I intended to record what the fire did, in case I was ever called upon to do this alone.

I asked what wood he was using. He said, "Oak."

I wrote down oak.

He watched me write down oak, and he said nothing, and I have decided that his silence was a kindness.

He sat in a folding chair beside a black iron drum and watched a fire that did not need watching. Every so often he opened the lid, looked inside, and closed it. He adjusted nothing. He consulted no device. He was simply confirming that the fire was still keeping its word.

I offered to take the second watch.

He told me there was no second watch. There was only him. And now, apparently, me.

At 4:15 in the morning he handed me a beer.

I drank it with both hands.

I want to explain what I understood, sitting in the dark beside that drum.

He was not cooking. Cooking is a thing you do to food. This was something else. Thirteen hours before one single guest would arrive, alone, in the cold, with no one to watch him and no one to thank him and no possibility of ever being properly thanked, he was tending a fire so that people who were still asleep would eat well.

He was keeping a promise to people who did not know he was awake.

Where I come from we would have built a shrine to a man like this. We would have carved a poem into it. We would have forgotten his name within a century.

Here he is called Dave. He does this most weekends. He has a coupon for the wood.

At six he stood, stretched, and held out the tongs.

He said nothing. He simply held them out.

I want to be clear about the gravity of what was being transferred. A man does not hand his fire to a stranger. Where I come from, this is an adoption.

I took the tongs with both hands and bowed so deeply that my forehead very nearly met the lid.

He said, "Just don't open it too much."

I did not open it.

I did not open it for forty minutes.

I did not open it while a bee conducted a full investigation of my face.

When the people arrived at four in the afternoon, they ate, and they laughed, and they said it was good, and not one of them asked who had been awake at three in the morning.

Dave did not tell them.

I have decided that I will not tell them either.

But I would like it recorded somewhere, by someone, that a man named Dave rose in the dark to keep his word to a backyard full of people who had not arrived yet, said nothing about it afterward, and ate his own plate standing up.

I have bought a black iron drum.

I do not yet know anyone here well enough to feed.

I am starting the fire anyway.

[Dimz @DimzRacks]

@josiibricks Rizzler has a 160iq

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I learned "y'all" in Tennessee.

I overused it immediately.

Waitress: "What can I get y'all?"
Me: "Y'all can I have y'all's pancakes?"

She stopped writing.

She looked at me.

She looked at the empty chair across from me.

She said, very slowly, "Sweetie... how many y'alls are there?"

I panicked. I said "seven."

She wrote it down.

Ten minutes later she brought SEVEN plates of pancakes.

"Y'all's family joining us soon, hon?"

I ate all seven.

I did not have the heart to correct her.

I now weigh 340 pounds and I have never been happier.

[Mike Truk ⛁ @Wallop4000]

i Miss Being a Real Alcoholic because i Could Get a Kind of Drunk that You can Only Get After Being Drunk for Many Days in a Row That Makes you Able to Watch and Truly Enjoy the Quirky TV Show New Girl Starring Zooey Deschanel

[Delete MY Account @HamHock42]

just realized she got married a day before July 4 so that she can call the inevitable divorce album Independence Day and I have to tell you I take my fucking head off to the cynical fucking billionaire that she is

[Anderz @Anderzin0]

How it feels returning to the same Walmart every week, where the stockboy with down syndrome called you a "bitch" for no reason, and now does the John Cena "you can't see me" gesture every time he notices you.

[ocr 🇨🇳 @onchainrapist]

i stopped scamming niggas on the internet when i read Dante’s inferno

[dolo @doloyeung]

I was tired of getting called nino pequeno at work so I ditched my Transformers lunchbox and replaced it with a Citizen Kane lunchbox. Now they all call me Rosebud. To find a group of mexican laborers with such film literacy was almost as surprising as it was hurtful