Crysly? sure

welcome to hell

[Crysly? sure @crystalnotvail]

My sister just came out as straight

[first ethical space cowboy @cowboybecsbop]

when ur golden retriever bf puts his head in between a cocktail waitresses breasts on his work trip in Miami

[Charlie Ledger @CharlieLedgerX]

Get ready liver, daddy got yelled at during the team meeting today

[Crysly? sure @crystalnotvail]

Feeling like jfk having these bitches sing happy birthday in my ear

[100 @yh_me2]

I need to consult the dawg in me about this

[Crysly? sure @crystalnotvail]

I need a bag of skittles wtf

[McDonald's @McDonalds]

“we have food at home”

ok we also have unresolved family drama at home

[dilly @2dilly2dally]

Accidentally hit a minion yesterday in my car. Feel so guilty I could barely sleep. Casey Anthony is a monster.

[Crysly? sure @crystalnotvail]

Will people think I’m a lesbian if I wear my lulu joggers outside of the gym

[Crysly? sure @crystalnotvail]

I have my business casual top on at the gym

[maya @mayaviatwitta]

we’ll jump off that bridge when we get to it

[Deer in Places they Shouldn't Be @deershouldnt]

IT'S FAT FUCK FRIDAY!!!

[Crysly? sure @crystalnotvail]

Ok so I wanna date someone in the weight class??? What’s the issue??

[Debbie Downer @ANGELBABYBITTY]

should i turn 28 be honest

[𝓘𝓒𝓔 ❄︎ @be_like_ice]

Having a cat is fun because it's like a little mountain goat in your house. Oh, hello you're on the fridge.

[dana donnelly @danadonnelly]

if i was a stripper i would wear giant granny panties so there would be more room for money

[° ʚ 𝐥𝐢𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐚 ɞ ° @liamarshallxo]

i left your father cuz he wasn't posting me on instagram

[Michael Burns @michaeloburns]

Happy Memorial Day.