Maria Nicole

bald lady writing cheese and eating jokes (she/they)

[Maria Nicole @cueballcomic]

*gets period*

me: wow this could’ve been an email

[Paul Scheer @paulscheer]

I’m gutted. This is beyond a tragedy and there are so many rules in place to make sure this can’t happen. I can’t even fathom how this is possible. So many people had to be negligent. This is a crime. Halyna was a tremendous talent. I’m sick to my stomach.

[WeScreenplay @WeScreenplay]

MARY, 20s, pretty but doesn't know it
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

[Emily Murnane @emily_murnane]

Getting ready to go to the job that I applied for and badly wanted

[dick snickers @smithsara79]

me: see you later!

crocodile: what the fuck did you just say

[Sam Burns @samburnz93]

Being in a relationship is just telling your partner how you slept.

[Maria Nicole @cueballcomic]

Anyone else ever think ‘what if I was born a blade of grass instead’ and what if some kid in middle school picked you to do that weird whistle thing and then gruesomely ripped you apart in a field

[Maria Nicole @cueballcomic]

@shibi_shetty So wholesome wow

[Maria Nicole @cueballcomic]

@TheJulianLung Or getting 20 craft orders and trying (and failing) to carry it back in one fucking go 🥺

[Maria Nicole @cueballcomic]

✨Manifesting✨ that one day I will no longer be the set bitch who hands out freezies on set and makes sure production is happy and that one day it will be MY show and I’ll go to the kid doing this job and say GIVE ME BLUE I WANT BLUE ONE DAMMIT and this will all be worth it

[prance @bocxtop]

*watching a billionaire above me burn 300 gallons of fuel flying to applebees* oh no i didn't bring my own bag to the store

[Sarah Tollemache @stollemache]

When I get bummed about my career, I just remember that no one gave a shit that Richard Branson went to space. More people saw 2 Girls 1 Cup than Branson's mission to space.

[Maria Nicole @cueballcomic]

@jamiegermond The AUDACITY**** my good god

[Jackie Pirico @JackiePirico]

On stage as a comedian you may humiliate yourself; exploit yourself; deprecate, degrade and debase yourself; but you cannot wear shorts

[NativeBrotha.bsky.social: Support Odenong Powwow @NativeBrotha]

Dude said, "Be thankful that they only come for your statues, when you came for their babies." And I felt that.

[Maria Nicole @cueballcomic]

Cauliflower really is just crunchy farts

[Robin Duke @robindukewfc]

I got my 2nd dose last night. 2 weeks from now I’m going to go nuts. I’m going to party, eat in restaurants go to Wonderland or just keep trying to find something new to watch on Netflix. Conflicted.