CaroWine🍷

60% sass. 40% chill. Frequent user of the Irish exit.

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

You know what sucks?
Whenever something irked me I could come to Twitter and bitch and feel better and feel like it could/would reach people.
But Twitter changed and sucks. It’s not worth my time anymore so this is my last tweet✌🏽
Saving my account for receipts tho

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

I hate it here.
As in these United States. Particularly TN and red states but like all of it is pretty fucked up these days.

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

How am I old enough for songs from middle school to be remade?

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

Sometimes my brain decides to remember that one time the CEO of a company I worked at promised us if we met a goal he’d do a cartwheel at our conference. We met the goal and he decided to quit without notice instead of doing the damn cartwheel 😂

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

Me, on the phone with my mom at the airport: “did you ever clean those AirPods?”

Some woman, with AirPods in her ears, turns to me: “excuse me?!”

I could not point to my phone call fast enough!! 😳☠️

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

Just want to welcome all new comers to the Miley fan base. Flowers is a good one to jump in on, but you have missed such a good discography thus far. 💐

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

@TCBeanie I need them to BRING THE SHOW BACK!

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

I am less and less convinced that my vote matters, or anyone’s vote counts. I just don’t trust the system

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

I was team no dark-mode on the iPhone for so long.
I have regrets

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

The number of married men on dating apps really makes me question why I even like men or want to get married one day 👀

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

👀 it doesn’t seem like the world (mostly the 🤢tr*mpers🤮) are ready for this one

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

@MKAllen10 you’d 100% back this

[Meg Spears-Newsome @megnewsome]

I would pay good money for a Knives Out/Only Murders in the Building crossover. Benoit Blanc being annoyed by Oliver’s constant podcasting but charmed by Mabel’s honesty. Someone please make this.

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

@Melaina_Riley It gets better (usually). I’ve coached 4 different friends through their first IUD. Holla if you need to ask weird questions or anything.

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

This is unhinged and we have to get to a place where we can admit that

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

You know it’s Christmas in Florida when you sweat and wear a tank top in the Christmas parade ☀️

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

@TCBeanie @anygvnsundae We will never heal from this being cancelled 💔

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

@sarcasmforChrst @pennyandsparrow @MCRofficial @baxtertown please make this happen 🥹

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

Unfortunately she probably knew quite well as a woman what kind of shit and violence people will do 👀

[Mason Mennenga @masonmennenga]

🎶 mary did you know that people would do unthinkable violence in your baby’s name 🎶

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

Just experienced the only time in which I find it acceptable to clap when a plane lands… our @delta captain landed his final flight as he retires. 🍻

[CaroWine🍷 @cyeags1]

I know this may be an unpopular opinion but I’d much rather sit next to a kid on a plane than a chatty elderly woman.
Related- how can I fix my ever present “talk to me face”