Jan Kowalski

Musical Mayonnaise expert

[Mya ♡ @myaxlana]

court is so embarrassing like your honor can we please talk in the hallway

[☔ @Whotfismick]

no unfortunately i cannot give you directions around the city i have lived in my entire life

[Jan Kowalski @d4vidyu]

They liken me to Socrates because I keep corrupting the youth

[Ash @H1TWOM4N]

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

[Emmett Shear @eshear]

ceo any% 55:32 — new record???

[Jan Kowalski @d4vidyu]

Scarlett Johansson has a discography? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills

[Jan Kowalski @d4vidyu]

My New Year's resolution is to finally stop procrastinating.

[Jan Kowalski @d4vidyu]

@PhilEdwardsInc *Francis Fukuyama with a 12 gauge*
End history, I'm no longer asking

[Jan Kowalski @d4vidyu]

CNO (chief necromancy officer)

[Jan Kowalski @d4vidyu]

I'm going to start an indie rock band and it’s going to be called Interprovincial Trade Barriers

[Jan Kowalski @d4vidyu]

Where did you come from, where did you go?
Where did you come from, Sea Peoples?

[Jan Kowalski @d4vidyu]

Only real men don't cry while cutting onions.

[The Royal Family @RoyalFamily]

The Queen died peacefully at Balmoral this afternoon.

The King and The Queen Consort will remain at Balmoral this evening and will return to London tomorrow.

[reilly @GoodPostReilly]

So sorry I was late for our date, I was just…just learning so much about the Korean War on my phone

[Jan Kowalski @d4vidyu]

@PhilEdwardsInc This has some mid-2010s cartoon mockbuster vibes and I'm all for it.

[Jan Kowalski @d4vidyu]

He who controls the tendies controls the universe.

[Jan Kowalski @d4vidyu]

Wow, look at that pair of honkers
Big melons
What a nice rack

*Points to the geese by the antique shelf in the cantaloupe farm*

[Jan Kowalski @d4vidyu]

I'm beginning to suspect that God is really just a bunch of The Simpsons' writers in a tiny hotel room.

[Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt]

New moms should pose with their newborns like fishermen after they caught a prize fish.

[Jan Kowalski @d4vidyu]

Congratulations to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II on her Platinum Jubilee. Can't wait for her Sun and Moon Jubilee.