Jacob Zemis

birds are drones created by the government to spy on us.

[Jacob Zemis @da_dougster]

Hey @vanillaice can my daughter get some royalty money so she can go to college debt free?

[Jacob Zemis @da_dougster]

@vanillaice can my daughter get some royalty money for her college fund? She’s a huge fan.

[Jacob Zemis @da_dougster]

WIFE GOT DIARRHEAD ON BY OUR DAUGHTER.

MID DIAPER CHANGE!

[Jacob Zemis @da_dougster]

@mar_moore31 Your pregnant brain is causing memory gaps, you said charcoal first…then said “chargil” or however you spell it

[Jacob Zemis @da_dougster]

“Mar, can you name all 3 of the original starter Pokémon?”
-Charcoal
-Pokémon
-Bowser
…I can not let our child become like her

[Dudes Posting Their W’s @DudespostingWs]

Legendary

[Jake Marsh @JakeMarsh18]

A heck of a run with my green couch partner. See you soon, @Billyhottakes 🤝.

@PardonMyTake

[FanDuel @FanDuel]

Absolutely nobody:

that one guy outside my house tonight:

[Big Cat @BarstoolBigCat]

Just finished my sons 4th bday party

My Stats

-3 cookies eaten
-3.5 pieces of pizza
-2 extra pieces of crust my daughter didn’t eat
-4 kids flipped upside down (yes I’m that strong)
-3 juicebox holes punctured (see above for strength)
-1.5 pieces of cake
-14 high fives

[Gump Cathcart @bubbagumpino]

HOLY SHIT‼️

[Vega32X @Vega32X]

I have a soft spot for shadow the hedgehog (2005) memes

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

Rob and I kinda blacked out during this moment, but somehow we’ll never forget it.

🎥: Paul Rudd

cc: @wrexham_afc - @RMcElhenney

[Jacob Zemis @da_dougster]

@nikzemis Uhhhhh we are screwed. “Flap angles”, reanimation, DRONES????? Not good things.

We need to warn people. Have Beyoncé do a remake of this classic and play it over the airwaves. The base alone will also take out any current Obamadrones.

https://t.co/uXtxcD69k0

[Jacob Zemis @da_dougster]

@SirYacht_ Mogadore

[Jacob Zemis @da_dougster]

@JRikes @nikzemis You remind me of a pine cone:
Prickly, hurtful, and no one likes you.

[Tim MacMahon @BannedMacMahon]

Gregg Popovich asked whether any of us were carrying guns at the end of his pregame media chat.

"I just wondered because we have a governor and lieutenant governor and an attorney general that made it easier to have more guns. That was a response to our kids getting murdered.”

[Jacob Zemis @da_dougster]

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 11 years, since 9 Apr 2012 (via @twi_age).

[Jacob Zemis @da_dougster]

@nikzemis Mhm… big snackies

[Jacob Zemis @da_dougster]

Me (in a joking tone):
“Honey I can’t eat cabbage, don’t you know I’m allergic”
Mar (in a angrier tone):
“You eat freaking garbage you’re not allergic to shit”