Dad to the Bone

Animals, Science, Parenting, divorce, Stocks, crypto, Insight, Wine, Whiskey, Award Winning, Humor @cheezburger @buzzfeed

[Dad to the Bone @Dad_ToThe_Bone]

Well I’m at work now. Twitter you have my undivided attention.

[Dad to the Bone @Dad_ToThe_Bone]

@BernieSanders Also reduce consumption size.

[Dad to the Bone @Dad_ToThe_Bone]

@BernieSanders Yes there is. Be more active. Stretch everyday. Take the stairs. If America is really as obese on average as statistics claim, I can’t imagine they move a lot.

[Dad to the Bone @Dad_ToThe_Bone]

@LeadingReport lol “anonymous” 🙄

[Dad to the Bone @Dad_ToThe_Bone]

@MAGAVoice I like to imagine @elonmusk has a team of people churning out memes for him.

[Dad to the Bone @Dad_ToThe_Bone]

I have a yogurt stain outside my kid’s room, every time I steam clean it, it magically replaces itself, sometimes it moves. It even multiplies.

[Dad to the Bone @Dad_ToThe_Bone]

Becoming self-conscious in the middle of a story, and then blowing the story, is called a panicdote.

[Dad to the Bone @Dad_ToThe_Bone]

@LeslynLewis Thank you for all the good work you do for our country. Sending support from Alberta.

[Dad to the Bone @Dad_ToThe_Bone]

If any of you have a 7yo and they tell you their favorite video is called “Golden Shower”, don’t panic, they are 7 and they meant “Golden Hour”. Trust me, my dudes.

[Dad to the Bone @Dad_ToThe_Bone]

In Canada, if you turn off the lights, look in the mirror, and say bloody spring three times, snow will appear in your backyard.

[Dad to the Bone @Dad_ToThe_Bone]

It’s a little known fact that once you know where exactly in the store the scotch mints are located, you age 7 years. Instantly.

[LibertyLayne @LibertyLayne01]

Relationships are waking up mad at each other bc 1 person fell asleep during the first episode of the show while the other person watched the entire fucking season.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

Wife: Let’s watch Netflix.
Me: Ok. [starts show]
Wife: [sleeping]
Me [pausing]: OMG we are two seconds into it.
Wife: What?
Me: You’re sleeping.
Wife: I’m not sleeping. Press Play.
Me: [presses Play]
Wife: [sleeping]

[𝑽𝒆𝒈𝒂𝒔 🇨🇦 'V 𝑴𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒚' 🔥 @Conchvegas1]

Timezones are irrelevant when you're talking to the right person

[3 Wild Rainbows @wildrainbow2]

My kids are on spring break. So far their favorite pastime is acting out all the Iron Man movies while watching them. Honestly they are way better than the originals.

[Lil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal]

being alive in this time in history is truly amazing like living in a real life action flick. will the world end because of weather catastrophes or nuclear war or plague? how's about all three? omg it's so exciting

[meghan @deloisivete]

I yawned and my kid told me I need a billion coffee, so I guess I do have a favorite

[Mommeh Dearest @mommeh_dearest]

My kid does intermittent fasting. He only wants to eat 5 mins before bedtime.

[meghan @deloisivete]

Thinking about how my middle school PE teacher wrote in my report card that I didn’t seem motivated to do a class obstacle course, which mostly involved crawling around on the gym floor, and yes?

[Dad to the Bone @Dad_ToThe_Bone]

My kids will spend all day ignoring their real life pets then have the nerve to ask me to download them a pet simulator.

[Dad to the Bone @Dad_ToThe_Bone]

According to my 6yo the 5 second rule doesn’t apply to food on the floor but the duration of hugs. 🥹