Freud ♦︎

[Freud ♦︎ @daddysigmund]

The naked man fears no pickpocket

[sydney assbasket @admiralwils0n]

Fart backfired, damn near blew my nuts clean off

[Hunter 🥃 @tftgoathunter]

When she thinks I’m an eater but I’m really just trying to nibble the copper off her iud #moneymaker

[BAMBI. @theeebambi2]

i’m ngl to u i didn’t know they crashed a plane into da pentagon too. they lit our ass up ns

[TexasRaptor @ MP @Texas_Raptor]

Jacked off into a menthol dude wipe and my ropes started crackling like a fish fry

[L☆VIE ᥫ᭡ @thereallovieee]

My auntie ashes just flew in my face I hope dat wasn't her pussy

[yecnalc @yecnalc]

when my bush gets caught on my pad it’s like a harp being plucked

[I eat short people @UnderwearStain]

Farted so hot it managed to laminate 12 sheets of paper

[Old Man Rattle @oldrattle_]

farting so loud at petsmart that the parakeets start acting up

[Wolf man! @ImSmilingRn]

Feudal lord with ocd having to open and close his drawbridge 6 times before he can sleep

[Kameron “KY” Yung , DDS @DaveFreese6]

A guy at the pro shop today said that his “swamp ass is so bad he was hydroplaning on the toilet seat”. Never heard that one before. May be adding it to the bag.

[Ricky Hollywood @victim_burn77]

Imagine you try to return ET home and find our he’s like his species most notorious pedophile

[Waynehead👨🏾‍🦲 @ApplaudAhhJones]

They gon find you like Elvis

[griffin🎃 @ohiojesustwink]

Made banana bread and it tastes like Chernobyl aftermath

[Tim Peaks @pangaeafan]

drug dealers used to always have some wild ass biology in their house. you’d go over to buy a gram of weed and a cat would be giving birth in the corner

[Paul @orangepaulp]

the animals Noah didn’t take on the arc:

[damon 💬 @damonwishes]

squiward being bikini bottom's strict elder gay

[faget83629031852 @faget9261530128]

My parrot just said my full legal name and flew out my window