Dad Jokes

A daily dose of groan 🤦🏻‍♂️ - follows us on Instagram 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

Never blame someone else for the road you're on.

That's your own asphalt.

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list.

Now I can’t read anything.

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

What is everyone using to scrape ice off their windscreen?

This morning I used a discount card from my wallet, but it was no good. I only got 20% off!

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

What is the opposite of Anti-biotics?

Uncle-biotics!

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

After a heated argument, my kid shouted “Jim Morrison was overrated”

Me: What did I say about slamming The Doors?

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

If a car told its life story...

would it be an autobiography?

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

If you were a child when 'Red red wine' was released...

UB40ish now!

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

I got a job building Egyptian tombs...

But it turned out to be a pyramid scheme.

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

I knew a guy who was going to open a pastry shop.

But he couldn't raise the dough!

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

Why can't the ocean take a joke?

Because it's too salty.

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

Why do ghosts love to eat health food so much?

Because it's super natural.

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?

Ham boogers.

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

How do you have a party in Space?

You planet.

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?

If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

I never wanted to believe that my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

A cannibal is someone who is fed up with people.

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

WHATAAAHH!!

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

Dad: What is blue but not heavy?

Me: What?

Dad: Light blue

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, "Just you wait!"

[Dad Jokes @dadhasjokes]

"Yoda, are you sure we're headed in the right direction?"

"Off course we are".