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Competitive Dad Energy. Let’s see it. You take something way too seriously? Good. So do we.

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Pros and cons of making kids

Pros: Making

Cons: Kids

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There are dads who will research drill bits for forty-five minutes but in the detergent aisle calmly grab “Frontier Frost Experience” because it sounds cool.

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You’ll select a screwdriver like it’s a surgical instrument… but you can’t pick out the right kind of laundry detergent.

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Dads! Is there anything you do that at some point stopped being a hobby and just became part of who you are?

You get a little obsessive about it. You take it personally. It’s your thing…

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Your wife only wants one thing for Mother’s Day… and it’s not a “backrub”

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Your wife only wants one thing for Mother’s Day and it’s not what you think… it’s for you to stop breathing so loud.

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Your wife only wants one thing for Mother’s Day and it’s uninterrupted sleep, clean house, spa day, thoughtful card, new jewelry, breakfast, alone time, family photos, romantic dinner, weekend getaway, foot massage, fresh flowers, plan‑free day, coffee delivery, and a picnic.

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Maybe less…

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There’s only one thing your husband wants to do in the kitchen and it’s put the bread in the oven, a hot beef injection, a bit of crumpet, to play hide the sausage, banana in the fruit salad, batter dip the corn dog, churn butter, or fill the crème donut. One of those.

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Trust me, your kids are cussing up a storm when you’re not around.

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Your wife only wants one thing for Mother’s Day and it’s love, attention, quiet time, relaxation, appreciation, respect, support, affection, romance, chocolate, wine, flowers, jewelry… and she wants them tomorrow too.

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Before you complain about me working on the yard too long…

Remember how long it took you to do the laundry last week.

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@thedad might as well share this on IG… everyone else has 😂

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Pros and cons of making kids

Pros: Making

Cons: Kids

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@thedad

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Impress your wife by making a face while holding one of those giant pickles from @jimmyjohns

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The new smaller font on here is dumb, that is all.

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What your wife wants on vacation is to relax in silence. Wrong. She wants to hit the gifts shops and see all the cute things they have here.

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Parenting is the hardest job in the world. Wrong. Have you ever tried to calm your wife down after really pissing her off?

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Having kids is like having a tiny drunk roommate who can’t pay rent. They spill things, break things, and occasionally pee on the floor.

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Before you complain about not getting flowers yesterday…

Remember you spent the last month singing a song about buying them yourself.

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@thedad 🍻

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What a Dad really wants is for you to give him a hug, tell him you love him, then go get him a cold beer and stfu