The worst you can do is make decisions while you're too emotional/while your heart and mind are in disagreement. You can't see your reflection in boiling water. Similarly, you can't see the truth in a state of anger. When the waters calm, clarity comes. Think better, live better.
You disrespect yourself when you rekindle a relationship that humiliated you. Forgiveness is one thing but you have to have boundaries. You can’t always be nice. That’s how people take advantage of you. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.
You aren't lost, you're just in an uncomfortable stage of your life where you old self is gone, but your new self isn't fully born yet. You're in the midst of transformation. This is the sign that everything is working out in your favor. You're next in the line for blessings.