Ariel Riske

Self-deprecating drunk thoughts.

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

Terrorizing the Argentines by asking them if this is Bad Bunny. #mundial

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

Am I still a passenger princess if I just Uber everywhere?

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

If I was in a horror movie I’d probably still be recovering from leg day and get killed trying to hobble up some stairs.

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

No thanks, the last time I tried ketamine I fell out of the Diamond League on Duolingo and I’m still trying to grind my way back up from Obsidian.

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

@investwithroi COME TO CANADA. Help us we're poor. </3

[Roi @investwithroi]

1/ ✨ Today we’re launching Roi: the *one* app to manage all of your investments.

Use it to trade, discover and track stocks, NFTs, crypto, DeFi and more.

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👇more

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

I’m feeling anxiously calm today.

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

My attachment style is thinking my cleaner hates me and that I live in filthy squalor cause she hasn’t texted me back in 12 hours.

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

Hour 4 of recovering post surgery and I’m already stircrazy. How do you be lazy? ISO: a man to mansplain it to me.

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

Good night to everyone except capitalism.

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

*sees firetruck headed towards my street*
Me, too high to function: Did I leave the fireplace channel on?

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

The irony of spending two hours searching for "time-saving recipes" on Pinterest and proceeding to make exactly none of them.

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

* spends over an hour watering every plant in the house *
* is wildly dehydrated *
* makes coffee*
Why do I have a headache?

[michaela okland @MichaelaOkla]

U know who else was single on Christmas? Jesus Christ

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

Damn, for someone who just tested positive for COVID I sure am a negative bitch. 💅🏼

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

Hey @paulruddcom my non-imaginary friends and I are wondering, would you rather Meat Town or Sweet Town?

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

ISO a roster of 5–7 emotionally unavailable men to give me no strings attached attention.

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

Taking off with #TwitterFlightSchool today. What time is the in-flight meal? 😉✈️

[Ariel Riske @dangerriske]

Dressing in drag for Halloween just so my outfit comes with pockets. 👨🏻

[Rachel McCartney @RachelMComedy]

Admitting you have a problem is the first step to making it your whole personality