guterman

Carol & The End Of The World, Rick & Morty, Colbert Report, At Home with Amy Sedaris, Community, The Onion (Head Writer)

[guterman @danguterman]

Tired of all these stupid rom-coms. And so is my best friend who I have feelings for but is dating the lawyer who's representing my ex-wife.

[guterman @danguterman]

"Let me eat cake" - Donald Trump

[guterman @danguterman]

It's funny how children see the world: upside down with their parents screaming at me to please be careful.

[guterman @danguterman]

The secret to drawing horses is start drawing a dog and then halfway through pretend the dog is really, really rich.

[guterman @danguterman]

the seven types of comedy:

comedy as entertainment
comedy as activism
haha fancy man fell down
comedy as artistic pursuit
racism
comedy as drama with zero comedy
i have a mortgage now

[guterman @danguterman]

stronger female characters is a good start but another thing that helps is writing very weak male characters. that’s what I’m going to do.

[guterman @danguterman]

my favorite episode of seinfeld is when they bet who can go the longest without masturbating and one by one they all masturbate and you see it each time

[guterman @danguterman]

video game tells me to take a break and go outside like that’s not also collecting coins & trying not to die

[guterman @danguterman]

it’s a girl!!

[guterman @danguterman]

THRILLER IDEA: A man finds stacks of money inside his burrito. We then cut to another man as he opens a briefcase to reveal carne asada. The man struggles to explain. He is shot through the head.

[guterman @danguterman]

took a trip to los carneros in the heart of wine country. so beautiful out here but all i can think about is work

[guterman @danguterman]

Kimberly Hébert Gregory was a beautiful soul. She brought Donna to life with such depth, and warmth, and joy.
Her presence was rare. Her talent undeniable. May comfort surround those mourning her loss.

Devastating news.

[guterman @danguterman]

@PrestonHoover11 what does that mean?

[guterman @danguterman]

@globalboxoffice The Germans love their Smurfs

[guterman @danguterman]

@globalboxoffice @searcher_gold What’s today’s increase?

[guterman @danguterman]

@dicehacks watch it in theaters

[guterman @danguterman]

@globalboxoffice Do you know what F4 is tracking for Tuesday? And what its international totals are?

[guterman @danguterman]

If I was rich I'd have two hedge mazes. One from which there can be no escape. And one for more lighthearted affairs and casual mazing.

[guterman @danguterman]

started collecting mirrors and it's either getting out of hand or I only have twelve