daniel corral

[Rockefeller @passtherocke]

The stripper loves my Bane impression

[poppa @popitforpoppa]

pretty sure my homeboys would pregame my funeral

[🌺 caulk🌺 @tenthousund]

paging doctor faggot

[trap dad @dude_gang]

they had to circumcise me with the jaws of life

[Zito @_Zeets]

The texts between Conan, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman are hilarious. Conan lost both of his parents and somehow joking about Bateman killing them is so dark and yet such a sweet way to help a friend grieve.

[𝘽𝙡𝙖𝙠𝙚 @Arealmfngl]

watched a guy carry a screaming toddler across the parking lot. he noticed me looking at him and said "he's mine, im not stealing him" and then before i could reply he added "if i was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn't be this a**hole" 😭

[GREGY @Gregy_Online]

yelling "you already did that move" at a stripper

[Vi @vurpuz]

This is killing me because she is dead serious 😭

[GAS STATION QUEEN @fuckassriley]

Sometimes the stripper really does like you

[🌴 @RICKYVIICE]

i pulled out a banana at work for a lil snack & my co worker looked at me and said “oh its banana time ?” then proceeded to pull out a banana of his own and tried to toast bananas with me. i wanted to kill this nigga

[Aphex Twink @aesthete_angel]

is there a mister ogynist? i'd be much more comfortable speaking to him

[Jomboy Media @JomboyMedia]

Nothing better than a moment that makes the broadcasters go completely silent

[tanya @Tanya_Sabrinaaa]

[replying to my sister's text] ...and is there a mister carriage?

[ppigg @s4m31p4n]

I’m trying to find the slurs to describe this girl without being disrespectful

[goma @soigomaa]

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight & his nose hasn't moved an inch

[big headass bong yoda @gummysalamander]

you’re telling me a chick peed in this salad

[Trill Withers @TylerIAm]

That beer hit my hand on a Friday like Mjolnir

[chatpile roan @chatpileroan]

cranking hog or hogly cranking