Roboto Dan

They/Them
- 2022 So You Think You're Funny Semi Finalist
- 2023 sketch off quarter Finalist
- Writer for The Treason Show and ClapBack Club

[Roboto Dan @danjwakeling]

Grok, put a round in the chamber and just spin that barrel against my forehead baby

[Roboto Dan @danjwakeling]

But what if I'm different?

[Dr. Alex Zawacki @achillghost]

At a certain point in your life you’re going to get into HEMA stuff. You’re going to buy a waster, which is a weighted wooden sword, to practice. What I am telling you, from twenty years’ experience, is that you cannot - you cannot - play with it inside of your house

[Adam Smith @adamndsmith]

The media really thinks you’re stupid.

Zack Polanski says, obviously, that vegetables for 7p is a sign of a broken system.

Farmers say that there’s a “race to the bottom on price” and Tesco is effectively “giving away” produce.

But look at the difference in the headline! Look at the number of comments!

If Zack Polanski said the sky was blue, the Telegraph would ask why the Green Party leader was so opposed to the colour red.

[Mia K. @miakhalifa]

He’s so me

[NewsBiscuit ℹ️ @NewsBiscuit]

Police to save time by beating themselves up

https://t.co/dEvr9ErK0W

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

There are photos in my phone that erode my trust and loosen my tether, I call them the mood destructors and they serve no purpose other than to shoot shrapnel directly into my brain upon contact

[Roboto Dan @danjwakeling]

I did some jokes about hitachi Vibrators about four years ago, and I still get tweets like this on my feed every so often. Not complaining I love it.

[Ravi jain @ravijain7067]

I purchased hitachi ac installation boy not received my call and also blocked my no @Hitachi @jagograhakjago @flipkartsupport nepali dhanjay installation boy very bad service I had purchased it before from my 2nd account, it came in 15 days, I installed it, don't do the same this

[antipodean scourge @TheKnownLover]

You can be a billionaire if you invent Star Wars. I don’t care if it’s ideologically inconsistent with the rest of my politics. It’s just how it is.

[India Willoughby @IndiaWilloughby]

What a comic the Daily Telegraph is 🙄. Rage baiting at its finest.

Trans people do not get a “VIP hotline”. We queue on the same number for ages like everyone else.

There is a separate department within HMRC that deals solely with privacy matters relating to name changes and SEX CHANGES! (Which will infuriate Anon Twitter).

But it has nothing to do with money, tax etc.

Lies, as per usual.

[Roboto Dan @danjwakeling]

Miss my mullet again

[Roboto Dan @danjwakeling]

If I don't get my mullet back soon, I'm going to rip off one of my limbs

[Roboto Dan @danjwakeling]

I know this is by the by at this stage, but if I was murdered in the street and people described me as being "unalived" I'd come back and commit ghost domestic terrorism

[ThisisDublin @Thisisdublin0]

Shoplifter unalived by security guards in Dublin 😲 by end of video he gone 😲

[49 year old fandom elder @powcampsurvivor]

it was really weird when he did that interview talking about walking around tatooine at night waiting for some jawa bastard to look at him the wrong way

[Librarianshipwreck @libshipwreck]

“by all means drive off that cliff” is a pretty solid response to people who tell you that you’re going to be “left behind” if you don’t embrace AI.

[Lord Sugar @Lord_Sugar]

Do you think we are stupid . Pathetic

[Zarah Sultana MP @zarahsultana]

Please retweet.

[Roboto Dan @danjwakeling]

We already voted you don't need to sell us on her

[Subversive Force @SubversiveForce]

Perverted Green Party man in a dress “Eden Hills” elected in Little London and Woodhouse ward on Leeds Council — with the support of Hannah Spencer MP and Mothin Ali. Read the inset post…🧵1/

[BCH @ByungChulHarden]

The vaccine for hantavirus is being hidden in the data center closest to you. They’re hiding it from you and your drunkest, most volatile friends. Are you going to take that? Are you going to let the “AI” “people” inoculate themselves while your family suffers? Take action NOW

[Shambo of Luxembourg @BradfemlyWalsh]

'Invade northern seaside town' - or Whitby Goth Weekend, as everyone else calls it, an entirely peaceful and happy family-friendly event that brings in a lot of publicity and revenue for Whitby out of season 🤨🤨

[Alonso Gurmendi @Alonso_GD]

Sounds like his coffee shop actually can afford a £15 wage