World Cup Exit Reactions:
🇰🇷South Korea: immediate national inquiry, special tribunal. Coach canceled from polite society
🇳🇴Norway: Massive rowing party in downtown Oslo. Everyone’s drunk on aquavit and happy
🇺🇸USA: sorry? what is this sport? oh right, it's gay anyway
🏴England: TUCHEL OUT in 48-point Impact font on the front pages and endless streams of commentators dissecting the 4-2-3-1 formation. Total self-flagellation and promises to never believe that football's ever coming home again
🇧🇷Brazil: 18,000-word philosophical treatises tracing the decline of the Seleção to the rise of neopentecostalism
🇯🇵Japan: Coach performs polite post-match bow; promises to further develop youth academies and do better
🇩🇪Germany: Emergency DFB (Deutscher Fußball-Bund) Summit to analyze what went wrong with soul-searching German efficiency and thoroughness. Already produced tactical white paper titled “Gegenpressing 2.0: Rebuilding the German Soul.”
🇦🇷Argentina: