I would sit slouched in my chair, arms crossed, telling them and almost believing
that things weren't as bad as they looked. In truth, I didn't think they could possibly be that bad. I wasn't that thin. There were people far thinner than me, and that was all there was to it.
The pain is necessary, especially the pain of hunger. It reassures you that you are strong, can withstand anything, that you are not a slave to your body, you don't have to give in to its whining.
"You really do have to have an excessive level of body loathing
to rationally convince yourself that starvation is a reasonable means
to achieve thinness."
"The worries about your weight don't decrease no matter
how much weight you lose. Rather, they grow. And the more you
worry about your weight, the more you are willing to act on that
worry."
"The problem in your life is your body. It is defined and has a beginning and an end. The problem will be solved by shrinking the body. Contain yourself."
" I locked myself in the bathroom, stood
on the sink, stared at the body before me, and cried. And then
pinched myself hard, telling myself to quit being a baby. Crybaby,
I thought. Fat little pig."