The Barber

I got a PHD in braille & I have no legs. I'm deaf in both ears and also a mute, with a severe case of Tourette's. I'm a compulsive liar and pleased to meet you!

[The Barber @DatBarberCanCut]

I read tweets cross-eyed so I get twice the laughs.

[Heather Loves You @HeatherLuvsYou]

Ok my Twitter crush officially hates me. Free for all!

[Heather Loves You @HeatherLuvsYou]

I forgot it was Saturday, wtf am I doing tweeting today

[Bash @Bashfullsmile]

Want to cure tweeters block?

Just tell yourself that you're not going to tweet today. BAMB! Cured

[Bash @Bashfullsmile]

Please may we have clarification on the 'force'. Are we talking uplift, gravity, torque or even thrust?

Oh... Jedi?

Right, O.K....

[The Barber @DatBarberCanCut]

Every time I get that one onion ring mixed in with my fries, I save it. I spray paint them all and decorate my Christmas tree in December.

[The_martinigirl @The_MartiniGirl]

Sext: bring your own booze

[Boss Ladyy @NatyBietz]

I'm super good at remembering things that won't advance my career.

[Boss Ladyy @NatyBietz]

I hope this video finishes buffering before I run out of snacks.

[Boss Ladyy @NatyBietz]

If you guys think keeping up with Twitter is hard now, JUST WAIT until you get a job.

[Boss Ladyy @NatyBietz]

Sometimes the moral hang over is worse than the physical hangover.

[The_martinigirl @The_MartiniGirl]

Nothing like having a great nite and waking up to a panic attack cuz you can't find your phone for an hour.

[The_martinigirl @The_MartiniGirl]

Never mistake my kindness for weakness.

[The_martinigirl @The_MartiniGirl]

Twitter is the best international stalking game I have ever played.

[The_martinigirl @The_MartiniGirl]

I'm on the road to recovery......I'm just making a stop at the liquor store first

[The Barber @DatBarberCanCut]

@NatyBietz came over to my pineapple, wrung out my sponge, then handed me a Chalice. Thanks! #FF see her tasty goodies, http://t.co/gIdhOP6i

[The Barber @DatBarberCanCut]

A favorite drinking buddy knocked down my door & whispered, "take my Trophy" in my ear! Thanks @The_MartiniGirl #FF her http://t.co/F1G2rwLP

[The Barber @DatBarberCanCut]

@OoopsISKEETED not even a little bit... Didn't you see "Have a nice day"

[The Barber @DatBarberCanCut]

@OoopsISKEETED Asshole! It's written "talk to me" intentionally. When you finally catch on... Fuck off! OH, Have a nice day!