shreks mistress

i wake up and choose dumbassery every day

[shreks mistress @dathoejess]

this tweet hits hard when you remember i was 300 lbs and def know my way around some pies

[shreks mistress @dathoejess]

creampies are hands down my favorite pies

[Degen CPA @DrewVento]

Letting my dad sleep in for a little on Father’s Day before I call him and ask for money

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

Just had to administer narcan to a minion

[culture @notgwendalupe]

18 years ago, Tess invented shoulder choreography in 'Camp Rock'

[MP @mary_pmg3945]

Computa if lesbianism is a sin why did god created Lucy Liu ANSWER COMPUTA.

[🪽🪽 @wlfgrr]

i really do love mexico tho

[Ivy 🩵 @Ivorygh0st]

New tummy tattoo idea

[unfadable so pls dont try to fade this @seedtheclouds]

In honor of America’s win please enjoy our National Anthem

[daft ponk @sicksadchris]

i really don't need alcohol to act crazy i'll tweak off a coke zero idgaf

[Jack @GayLaVie]

IF YOU’RE IN LINE TO EAT THE PAINT CHIPS FLAKING OFF THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL REFLECTING POOL, STAY IN LINE

[grace @gracefishlove]

Sorry about the mean things i said when i was right

[josh @joshypooper]

blastoise but instead of water it's diarrhea and his names asstoise

[julia @juumelo_]

when a white boy asks you to put sunscreen on him that’s a sign of great respect in their culture

[Ms. Munch @c3rtifiedmuunch]

If I ever have a threesome and the other bitch squirt imma just start pissin because why would you squirt knowing idk how to

[penny @xXMeatGodXx]

are you wiping what im shitting?

[j aubrey 🤠 @jaubreyYT]

This is what did it btw

[Yung Chente🌩️🇲🇽 @yungchente97]

WE LOVE YOU KOREA 🇲🇽🤝🇰🇷

[MP Arizona☀️🏳️‍🌈💙🌵🐕🐕‍🦺🫂💦🏜🐟🌴🎙🌎🌻♍️🌊 @AzPetrich]

I say this with all due disrespect, but the World Cup should've only been hosted by Mexico.

[Wopavelli @TheWopObama]

In American slang we often refer to money as “benjamins” this is a subtle reference to Benjamin Netanyahu, an American folk figure who takes all of our money

[Platinum Equinox 🫧 @PlatinumEquinox]

It is excusably different from the Transformers One situation. This film genuinely has great promotion around it and has been getting much praise from most who have seen it already. The unfortunate reality is that almost nobody really cares about MotU all while others refuse to see it due to Leto being present in the film even though he is masked up as Skeletor. It is a fun & action packed film that truly deserves more than this.