not active

[not active @daveccher]

Here's my master plan, in its entirety:
Be nice to people.

[not active @daveccher]

@klemmteastwood Bambi and Faline were cousins

[not active @daveccher]

Kickstarter goodies

[not active @daveccher]

@eyerolls4days Happy Day to you!

[not active @daveccher]

A lumberjack in winter

[not active @daveccher]

Woke up from a dream in which I was being terrorized by an angry bee (yes, 1 bee). Not even a big one.

[not active @daveccher]

She said ""Give me six inches and make it hurt", so we moved to Minnesota and bought a snow shovel.

[wry bread @AlannaSchubach]

Very excited to be a part of this beautiful issue, in such good company. You can read my story, Mr. Frog, here: https://t.co/iSaT5eSAxH

[not active @daveccher]

Read this.
Read everything Alanna writes.

[wry bread @AlannaSchubach]

Very excited to be a part of this beautiful issue, in such good company. You can read my story, Mr. Frog, here: https://t.co/iSaT5eSAxH

[not active @daveccher]

@awkwardphaser

[not active @daveccher]

@heatherswan How did you get my address?!

[not active @daveccher]

Exciting: Three packages on porch

Disappointing: None are addressed to me

Hopeful: They MIGHT be for me

[corey. @awkwardphaser]

You're so vein, I bet you think this blood flows throughout you.

[ANAÏS NINJA @michikoconuts]

Bring me a United Shades of Benetton man for a Skittles Taste the Rainbow experience.

[not active @daveccher]

@Caffeine_Sam @SchmuckOnAHorse Pro tip: the proctologist rarely uses two fingers.

[ANAÏS NINJA @michikoconuts]

You are what you eat therefore I am eating Gal Gadot at noon.

[Uptown Schmuck @SchmuckOnAHorse]

Don't forget to blow some shit up to celebrate Nobel Prize Day!

[not active @daveccher]

@TweetsByTheTony @quirkisms Whippersnapper!

🎉🎉🎉🎉

[not active @daveccher]

I'm high.
-Maintenance

Happy Friday!

[Acme Comedy Company @AcmeComedyCo]

Starting TONIGHT through Saturday we have the very funny @anylaurie16! Get your tickets here:
https://t.co/BV6hwpCDSe