David Henne

Adjunct Professor @hofstrau | Director of Content Strategy @herbertschoolhu | Contributor @mcsweeneys @SlackjawHumor @PointsInCase

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

“Who needs friends when you have man’s best friend? Intrusive thoughts.”

New piece for @PointsinCase. No, but I really do prefer being alone—unless, why, you wanna do something?

https://t.co/OWpqxWTtLB

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

I am so flipping excited to be back in @newyorkerhumor! Sharing my super strict, highly regimented morning routine. 

https://t.co/2OvvMpmORK

[David Henne @davidhenne]

"Of all the dine-in spectacles—it’s as though some hooligan committed to a single bite and vanished!"

Essential reading for all those who have stumbled upon unclaimed sandwiches, via @PointsinCase.

https://t.co/o1yjQsVNe8

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"Fatherhood. One of the great joys of a man’s life, second only to secret fatherhood. Unfortunately, due to the high cost of living, I fear I may never get the chance to start a second family." https://t.co/rn051juE2V

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

Proud father of a new @mcsweeneys piece (weight: 500 words):

“Frankly, it’s unconstitutional that rampant inflation is keeping me from achieving paternal inflation.”

https://t.co/uxHCswOq1H

[David Henne @davidhenne]

"I have hundreds of micro-recommendations from hundreds of former employers. I’ve picked up a thousand fractions of on-the-job skills from countless Fortune 500 companies’ new employee orientations."

Padding the resume with my latest for @mcsweeneys!

https://t.co/LySTTImazH

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"Yes, Mr. Douglas, I’ll have that client pitch completed by EOH. Yes, sir, at the end of the hour. Also, I quit. Thank you for all the mentorship and guidance you’ve bestowed upon me these last 120 minutes. Goodbye."
https://t.co/QOkY3Mptfn

[Alex Baia @al_baia]

When do you call the person you're dating "babe"? I am releasing my research today on @mcsweeneys

https://t.co/AtRh1TrkPP

[David Henne @davidhenne]

One of the coolest moments of the semester so far: hosting @FiringLineShow inside our school's Studio A to film two episodes, and getting the opportunity to assist the @PBS production alongside their amazing team & our own @HofstraU students.🤩

[Firing Line with Margaret Hoover @FiringLineShow]

"Who's going to stop him?"

Conservative @amandacarpenter, co-author of @protctdemocracy's "Authoritarian Playbook," warns the guardrails that constrained #DonaldTrump in his first term would be weakened or eliminated in a second.

"This is the authoritarian endgame."

[David Henne @davidhenne]

“Go on, George. Ain’t you gonna give me no more hell? On accounta microplastics in nuggies erodin’ my cognitive function?”

My latest for @mcsweeneys:

https://t.co/8Q1sYrv30y

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

George was silent.

Lennie said, "George."

"Yeah?"

"I ate another bad thing."

"Lemme guess, chicken nuggets." George said, and he fell silent again.
https://t.co/Q57kjsIFmj

[Eli Burnstein @eliburnstein]

Sneak peek of my forthcoming book (with wonderful illustrations by @lianafinck!)

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

“Mr. Holmes, I apologize for the lateness of the hour,” she said, entering the study. “But I have in my possession a deep reservoir of text messages, and I can not tell if they are intended to be of a flirtatious nature.”
https://t.co/7lpaQIic3j

[Eli Burnstein @eliburnstein]

Yes hello lovers please enjoy my latest for @PointsinCase https://t.co/YAYP3PqQSb

[David Henne @davidhenne]

Big news for my brand c/o @PointsinCase! After four decades under tight copyright protection, I, David R. Henne, am entering the public domain.

“This Year I Finally Enter The Public Domain”

https://t.co/3o3Rz22RqH

[Points in Case @PointsinCase]

This year let’s have a nice, relaxing, low-key New Year’s Eve orgy. Would it be so wrong to bring back the simple holesome group sex fun of yesteryear? https://t.co/ZAf91Wt4ru @davidhenne

[rob rooney 😱 @rooneyrooney1]

How Every Recipe on The Great British Baking Show Sounds to Us Die-Hard American Viewers https://t.co/Iakb1PHsrb

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

“We’re talking 100% pure New Zealand Whey. I just snorted some off the 70-pound dumbbell I keep in my backpack for on-the-go full-body workouts. You want a pump bump?”

Bit of bro humor for @PointsinCase

https://t.co/jN9y8swWwl

[David Henne @davidhenne]

"I’m a Gourmet Pepper Mill Who Doesn’t Belong at This Thanksgiving Dinner"

Essential #Thanksgiving 🦃 reading c/o @PointsinCase!

https://t.co/ZgXpmg8gy5

[Alex Baia @al_baia]

For anyone who has ever tangled with an elevator, my new one in @mcsweeneys is for you

https://t.co/PWwovGZS8L