Darren Bowman

Renaissance man, plumber, husband, father, occasional lager drinker.

[Spencer Hakimian @SpencerHakimian]

JUST IN: Trump says Belgium is 2 weeks away from developing a nuclear bomb.

[Adam. @AdamGoldring5]

England’s next match against Mexico is at the Estadio Azteca - it’s 7,220 feet above sea level. To put that into perspective, it’s still not as high as the away end at Newcastle.

[Darren Bowman @dazzler392007]

@sleafordmods That’s not an insult btw but the title of your next song- just sayin

[Darren Bowman @dazzler392007]

@sleafordmods Man up you Fanny!

[Mike Bales 🫡🇺🇸 @MikeBales]

An old lady says to her husband,
"My nipples are as hot today as they were 50 years ago."

Her husband says,
"They ought to be. One is in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

[wokeandwoofing @wokeandwoofing]

As temperatures continue to rise please spare a though for the most vulnerable members of society, which are of course, six foot tall ladies with cocks.

[Lea @Lea_EFC]

Scotland attempting to play out from the back:

[Darren Bowman @dazzler392007]

@MikeStone411 Shut up you muppet

[Tolly 🐢💨 🇬🇧🇪🇺🇨🇦🇮🇪 @TollytB]

It's another scorching hot day, so I've walked upstairs, taken all of my clothes off, and opened all of the windows.

I feel better, but the other passengers on the bus don't seem too happy.
🐢💨

[Ewok @22CaratEwok]

This England game’s like standing at your back door at 1am waiting for the dog to have a shit

[Wolfgang Richter @WolfgangRichtEU]

We are having a cultural exchange night with our Sudanese neighbors.

They will learn about the Roman empire, table etiquette, the French and American constitutions, and legal rights.

We will learn how to use the pubic hairs of albinos to cure AIDS, how to maximize profits when selling our 9-year-old daughters into marriage, and how to outrun the rivalling tribe when they dawn-raid our mud huts to rape our women.

Have a wonderful day,

Wolfgang

[Darren Bowman @dazzler392007]

@BBCSteveR Stay safe- more truth more danger for you

[Greg Fitzsimmons @GregFitzShow]

#WorldCup is like gay porn for me. I have tried watching it and respect the athleticism but just can’t get excited.

[Darren Bowman @dazzler392007]

@sotontimes Serving up a “Full English “

[cow @cowincrisis]

ate 46,925 blades of grass today

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated.

She made an appointment for Tuesday.

[Rab @Rab62567608]

🫣

[🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿InsideLucysHead🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿© @InsideLucysHead]

What's the difference between an English omelette and a French omelette?

In England, 2 eggs are used in an omelette. In France, just one egg is un oeuf.

[Lloyd Legalist @LloydLegalist]

Cigarettes are like squirrels: they’re perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.