Deano

The Queen of Hearts, a helot, and Beelzebub drawn by @IvoryGazelle

[Deano @deanjthompson]

james earl jones [talking in his sleep]: luke, i am mufasa

[Deano @deanjthompson]

@soran0312_ 16

[Deano @deanjthompson]

this summer’s fashion color trend is being called ‘wisconsin jury’

[Deano @deanjthompson]

big words from my neighbour who’s calling me a ‘lowlife’ and ‘parasite’ and yet there’s a good chance you won’t even read this because his wifi signal sucks so bad

[Deano @deanjthompson]

when push comes to shove, make someone’s day and pull ’em in for a sloppy kiss

[Deano @deanjthompson]

hot singles in your area would like for you to leave the area

[m@thew @TweetPotato314]

therapist: describe this picture

me: that’s my father yelling at me

therapist: and this one

me: you having sex with my wife

therapist: and this one

me: aren’t these normally ink blots

[Deano @deanjthompson]

[refusing to join in any reindeer games] i saw santa hauling our harnesses out of the sex dungeon

[Deano @deanjthompson]

october so all i can think about is skeletons: skeletons riding tandem bicycles, playing in jazz quartets, seasoning a bolognese to perfection. a skeleton sitting alone in fake mustache and fedora, watching clara across a busy café giggling with that total chode bret from finance

[Deano @deanjthompson]

everything in moderation, i say. just total moderation, all day, every day. obsessive, punishing, savagely excessive, tyrannous and soul-consuming moderation. literally set fire to immoderates, i mean

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

Judas: still on for Friday?
Jesus: Friday?
Judas: yeah, the last supper
Jesus: the what?
Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas

[Deano @deanjthompson]

[writing home after first week in prison] and i'm honestly beginning to think HR here is entirely useless

[Deano @deanjthompson]

@EricZorn @nikalamity @Mardigroan @thDRAGnrebOrN @wildethingy @RickAaron @DanRegan_Comedy @JPLFR80 @jovialjennay @Clowndro Awesome, thanks so much 🤩

[Deano @deanjthompson]

a company that manufactures glass coffin, tomb & mausoleum ensembles called 'Remains to Be Seen'

[ANAÏS NINJA @michikoconuts]

I see you have constructed a tent city out of your giant red flag. Let’s see if I can sneak in.

[ANAÏS NINJA @michikoconuts]

🎵 🎶 If you’re happy and you know it shut the fuck up about it because some of us are trying to be miserable 🎶 🎵

[Deano @deanjthompson]

[collecting evidence at crime scene]

partner: so chief isn't approving any vacation 'til further notice

me: r u serious

partner: says we need to get our shit together and start solving some crimes

me: godDAMMit *kicks box of dna swabs & fingerprint slides into swimming pool*

[Deano @deanjthompson]

[leaping into volcano together holding hands] i don't normally do this on a first date