Debolii

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it got worsterer and worstererer

[Debolii @Deb_for_short]

I'd give a fuck but it doesn't really go with these shoes

[Joel Jeffrey @joeljeffrey]

I thought I had great kids, but the video I put on instagram of them only got 5 likes, so now I don’t know what to think.

[Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy]

Oh no, it looks like I’ve had a little too much to think

[Olivier Varlan @VarlanOlivier]

French Wolverine :

[Debolii @Deb_for_short]

I swear, if I was the leader of a nuclear power country this iOS update would have me pushing the button

[Just Bill @WilliamAder]

*Pokes Twitter with a stick*

[Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom]

Two more days. *dunks sugar cookie in vodka*

[Mr.Carter @dexteristwisted]

I can't wait to retire, so I can get up at 6 a.m. drive around absurdly slow, and make everyone late for everything

[Debolii @Deb_for_short]

When your boiler breaks down, just get a hotel room

[e l l a 🇨🇦 @blondehotcoffee]

be kind. you never know what someone is going through. for example i am holding in a fart

[Natasha Something @IfIwassomething]

There's some debate about if Santa smells like cinnamon and gingerbread but personally I think he's odorless like carbon monoxide.

[Ethereal Trash Fire @etherealraccoon]

death by a thousand stupid questions

[Ginger Snapped ❤ @katy_fit]

Im the human version of tangled Christmas lights.

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

In these difficult times it’s important to remember that cheese exists.

[Wilde Thingy @wildethingy]

Not going is the new leaving early.

[Dolla Sto Waffles @Wook316]

I haven't seen any nudity or any Trump tweets in the last hour on here....is this thing broken?

[𝚂𝚔𝚒𝚗 𝙼𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚜 @SkinMuffins]

I’m tired of waking up and not being in a cabin in the mountains.

[mariana Z @mariana057]

Apparently, it's rude to poke someone in the forehead and say
"Skip Intro" when they start talking to you.

[Martin Pilgrim @MartinPilgrim1]

By taxing sugary drinks and large houses, the government has let down a generation who were promised they could have a milkshake and a yard.

[Katie D @KatieDeal99]

It’s so hard to meet people as an introvert because the love of my life is probably also at home in a blanket cocoon

[Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin]

I’m rooting for the asteroid to be perfectly honest.