Deborah Samaila

[Elnathan John @elnathan_john]

One of the reasons I stopped seriously writing satire is that I came to my own Peter Cook moment. Cook, the brightest of the British satire boom, watched the movement he helped build curdle into something he no longer recognized as resistance. He had once joked that his comedy club was modelled on the Berlin cabarets that did so much to stop the rise of Hitler — a joke that contained, even then, at least some admission of satire’s limits. By the mid-1960s, the joke had stopped being funny even to him. He said Britain was sinking, giggling into the sea. It was drowning in its own laughter, amused to the very end, entertained all the way to death.

There’s a sketch he wrote, less quoted than the line itself, where a group of young journalists who have sold their souls to a newspaper proprietor console themselves by sniggering at him behind their hands at his cocktail parties. A snigger here, a snigger there, one of them says, as if it adds up to something. It doesn’t.

It is important that he implies that a snigger isn’t a form of protest. It is what one turns to when one lacks the courage, or the institutional standing, or the political opening, to do anything else. It replaces the fight rather than starting one.

I had a very successful column, as well as multiple series in different satirical styles, from the How To series (which became a book), to my love letters to General Buhari. I enjoyed the task, and saw myself aspiring to be an heir to satirists like Peter Enahoro (Peter Pan) who wrote How To Be a Nigerian in the 1960s. But like Cook, I also saw that Nigerians were sinking giggling into the sea. I felt and still feel complicit in the facetious distractions and the trivialisation of crimes and dysfunction so bad Nigeria could be a ravaged war zone without any order or functional institutions. I always say that the effectiveness of satire is directly proportional to the ability of a society to feel shame. Nigeria is a post shame society. As we say, you cannot shame the shameless. What good is mockery of power when power is impervious to mockery? Where the mirror that you hold up to power is shattered beyond repair?

And so if you ask, when you criticise Nigerians making jokes at a time when the country is sinking, when people die daily at rates worthy of a war torn country, did you not do the same thing by writing a book of satire, the above is part of my response. I could of course try to distinguish my work from the banal humor in the skits that respond to the criminal actions and inaction of politicians, but that would be the easy answer.

Nigeria is at such a dangerous point that there is nothing to laugh about, even if the laughter directly mocks power.

[Deborah Samaila @deb_samaila]

@mswahilimwitu @XivTroy 😂😂

[Deborah Samaila @deb_samaila]

@XivTroy 😂😂😂

[Okong' Okuna @XivTroy]

In the early 1960s, a small seminary was established in one of the prominent cities in Tanzania. It was intended to train pastors in both theological studies and basic technical skills, and specifically targeted individuals from economically disadvantaged communities in East and Central Africa.

Once an individual with potential had been identified through liaisons and scouts, the seminary would connect them to a sponsor abroad, who would, in turn, sponsor their learning journey. Thus, over 90% of the students on campus were on scholarship.

To prevent learning disruptions, the administration - a missionary organization - built over 100 housing units spread out over at least 100 acres. And these were not simple houses but 2 to 4-bedroom mansionettes to host the students and their families.

Other amenities included modern sporting fields for different sports: football, volleyball, basketball, and tennis. The best and largest library I have ever come across, and a well-paved road that ran all around the campus.

The seminary was self-sustaining. Students and their family members were hired to oversee different administrative and menial tasks for an income. Some went to the farms, others milked the cows, and some tended to the chickens.

All produce was sold internally - to students and tutors. You had eggs, a fully-stocked shop, farm produce, and milk at a fraction of the retail costs in the market. Neighboring communities also benefited immensely through employment and service accessibility. The seminary had a medical center as well as a kindergarten, which was open to them.

It was basically a heaven. All you had to do was come with your family, focus on learning, and also earn a guaranteed income while at it. If you excelled, the seminary would connect you to more sponsors, and that's how hundreds of students and their families found their way abroad.

By the 1990s and early 2000s, the institution boasted the most diversified population of students and staff in East and Central Africa. It was a cocktail of nationalities: from Sudanese to Ugandans, Kenyans to Mozambicans.

But that is also the period when the power wrangles started, and the Tanzanian government, together with native stakeholders, decided to expel the foreign adminsitrators. They figured they could run it better and colluded to prematurely chatter it into a full-fledged university offering secular subjects.

The original missionary administrators tried to reason with them. They said, while the idea was good, time was necessary for the seminary to fully transition into a university. The natives and their government would hear none of it. They said it was their country. They would not be told how to run their institutions.

So, off the missionaries went. Some would not even be allowed to pack their belongings. The police fetched them from the office, and took them straight to the airport. It was terrible. They had to organize transportation for their possession from Nairobi.

Next were the staff members from other African countries. The immigration department frustated the lot. Contracts were terminated prematurely, the court processes infiltrated, and work permits would not be renewed. Every and anything to expel the foreigners.

Thus, seminary became a university in 2005, and was soon thronged by native administrators and students. And all seemed okay as the university witnessed its first windfall in teh form of income generated from the tuition fees, but this was shortlived as soon cracks began to emerge.

First to go was sensibility as greed and ego took over. Every native wanted to lead and plunder the most. It was their turn to eat - where they had not planted. Soon, it was evident that the tuition fees could barely sustain the learning costs let alone the recurring maintenance costs.

To attract more students and present an image of modernity, the institution commisioned two storey buildings and established several branches across Tanzania. These too failed horrendously. Students went without water for weeks and many opted for external accomodation.

The self-sustaining economy was eroded as only a handful of the self-paying students were willing to partake in the unglamorous farming routines. They went shopping in the supermarkets in town, so the local shop wilted. And the produce economy wilted painfully as cows and chicken died from neglect.

By 2012, the institution was asking for government bailout. They tried to reach out to the former missionary administrators to no avail. Despite the government support, it was too late to save the sinking ship. And by 2019, the institution was completely deregistered. It had taken less than a decade for the natives to destroy what had been built in almost 50 years.

I remember when they expelled my father, a decorated theologian. I remember the cold, methodical rap on the door like it was yesterday. You would think it would be strangers, but alas! It was the same people he called friends and students the day before. It ate at him like worms, made a shell of the best man I ever knew.

We have a problem in Africa, and it is cultural: what we omit and what we commit. And we can dig our heads in the sand for as long as we wish to, but soon, we will have to face ourselves in the mirror. Our value system is eroded, and until we tell ourselves the truth, this story will repeat itself, until we have eaten everything to the ground.

You could have all the coups in the world; you could have elections every 6 months; it is all for naught if the mind is not cleansed. It's the same old mind in a different suit every time.

[Deborah Samaila @deb_samaila]

@4thsonofdani @SSamailax @Johnnydrille @PeterGin 😂😂 chairman no dey bill small girl like me.

[Elnathan John @elnathan_john]

I transcribed my darling @MBuhari's thoughts in the 100th edition of @thecontinent_

[Vala Afshar @ValaAfshar]

The future of education using augmented reality

[Deborah Samaila @deb_samaila]

@XivTroy No cool!

[David Hundeyin @DavidHundeyin]

This is it in black and white.

Vote APC next year and have Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and TikTok "regulated" and banned at will by the folks installed at @NITDANigeria by the terror sympathiser @DrIsaPantami.

It's in black and white.

[Deborah Samaila @deb_samaila]

@HonYusufAdamsA1 Thank you.

[Deborah Samaila @deb_samaila]

#NewProfilePic

[Deborah Samaila @deb_samaila]

@MallamAnas007 🤣🤣🤣🤣 it's the cry for me

[Deborah Samaila @deb_samaila]

@Fayokunmii A very good Monday morning motivation, if you ask me.🤣🤣

[Deborah Samaila @deb_samaila]

But why will pastor Paul say if you have complaints take them to God in prayer? #TheExperience2021

[Deborah Samaila @deb_samaila]

@law_ninja @abhyudayagarwal Great opportunity!

[Deborah Samaila @deb_samaila]

@TheRealTemz 😂😂

[Reno Omokri @renoomokri]

Today’s employers are looking for skills, not certificates. They want to know what you can DO, not what you KNOW. @Google can replicate your knowledge. But Google cant replicate your skill. Dont just pad your resume with degrees, pad it with skills

#FreeLeahSharibu #RenosNuggets

[Deborah Samaila @deb_samaila]

@thesheddyking @Tolutheking 😂

[Sammy Desh @Deshysmalls]

Many Nigerians don't respect you until they think you have money. Was at the bank to complain about a 15k POS dispute, & the customer rep spoke to me like i was there to beg until she also saw my Dom account.

We need to do better as a people cos everyone deserves respect.

[Nigeria Newsdesk @NigeriaNewsdesk]

Speaker Gbajabiamila congratulates Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala on emergence as WTO chief https://t.co/T1gM1lVVgW