delfie

Despite all evidence to the contrary, I'm a nice chick, just your average, bulletproof chick.

[delfie @delfie]

My nephew proudly proclaims he has "ACTUAL SUPER POWERS! Daddy said so. I make everything LOUDER".

[delfie @delfie]

Update: Not dead.

[delfie @delfie]

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer in case your friends turn out to be dicks.

[delfie @delfie]

I'm told I'll die bitter and alone if I don't stop with the cynicism and snark.

And that's probably true. Well, fingers crossed, anyway.

[delfie @delfie]

Sorry I've been so quiet. I'm busy. I'm dating the kindest, sweetest man in the world. And It's taking longer than I expected to fix him.

[delfie @delfie]

I am so hungry!!! Seriously, it's been more than a day now since I've eaten lunch.

[delfie @delfie]

I walk into a room filled with my co-workers and I hear a voice say, "get out of here". And I think to myself, OMG, did I say that out loud?

[delfie @delfie]

I'm pretty sure if there was a third gender, I'd never look at another man.

[delfie @delfie]

Laughter is the best medicine so I hope you think herpes is funny.

I'd make a terrible doctor probably.

[delfie @delfie]

Oh really, your husband thinks I'm a bad influence? Well I'm sorry you married such a fucking pussy. Now let's go find some real men.

[delfie @delfie]

Boys, if you don't like it then you shouldn't put your dick in it.

[delfie @delfie]

Two hours after lunch, I am horrified to discover a piece of spinach large enough to swaddle a grape stuck between my teeth.

[delfie @delfie]

Deadlines stressing you out? People pissing you off? Consumed with the fear that you'll never find any purpose in life?

Try.... Apathy

[delfie @delfie]

4 out of 5 co-workers agree: shut up.

[delfie @delfie]

What? It's September already?! Man, I thought it was like June. This is what time travel must feel like.

[delfie @delfie]

I can admit when I'm wrong and I'm not ashamed to say so. It's just never come up, that's all.

[delfie @delfie]

Studies suggest that if you know more than the first 5 digits of π, you can’t be my friend.

[delfie @delfie]

Hey, we should totally hang out some time. I think we have a lot in common. At least, I know I do.

[delfie @delfie]

I've named my dad prime suspect in the case of "where did the cookies go?". Details are still sketchy. More as the story unfolds.

[delfie @delfie]

Don't expect someone else to bring you happiness. This is a self-serve kind of place. There, I just solved all your problems.