Demitri

Van-dweller, coming to a river near you. Playing in a polka trio with William Shatner and one of his imaginary friends. I believe in laxatives.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker I trust smoking rats even less than muffin rats.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker I don't trust muffin rats on principle.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker *plastic crates

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker she kept asking me for money and I told her I didn't like relationships like that anymore.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker I never even got to tell them that I occasionally transform into a mallard when I forget to snuff out my incense.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker I saw they turned into a tiger and a panda. I had no idea they were so into shapeshifting.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker AM for America.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker if you'd reupholster the seats in my van I'd let you listen to the AM radio.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker careful! That rat has poisonous barbs!

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker as long as she doesn't eat any of my boneless chicken at any family gatherings, she can be whoever she wants to be.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

I want everyone to know that the to-go box on the sidewalk of 5th street is mine. Dibs and dibs.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker (please don't, though. Cousin Mimi is my lawyer and she hasn't had any time to help since she started at Joe's Crab Shack.)

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker personally, I prefer crunchy Polish/hot dogs. Sue me.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker I was hoping Aunt Mo hadn't linked me with that. That only happened cuz I gave that cop a frozen bun.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker clearly you haven't heard about my success on Walt Street. (That is, in Red Bank, New Jersey. At that hot dog stand.)

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker on the bright side, you're welcome for the 401k advice. We can only hope lil' Harri grows up with my investment skills.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker it's just a matter of time. First they trade combing for prancing. Before you know it, they've stopped conditioning.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker not to be a Debbie Downhair, but it's common knowledge that ballet dancers are often follicle abusers.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker that's what happens when you're mother (or older sister...) puts beef in your baby formula.

[Demitri @demitrithebum]

@margotthebaker those mince meat muffins you sent me gave me the sweats. Could you use turkey instead of pork next time?