Matthew Starensier

I write Software and Comedy, sometimes at the same time.

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@dougboneparth Tell me you have kids without telling me 😂

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@CollColll @RossKneeDeep You have no idea how inextricably united Americans are in our complete and profound indifference to Canadian animosity. Half of us hate Trump, half love him. But nobody cares about Canada.

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@RyanGarciaESM Retire. We want him to retire.

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@theliamnissan Wait, are we in favor of tariffs now?

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@DarthEnvy I may not be a NY Yankee, but if i'm in an orgy, it's always offensive.

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@SullyCNBC Maybe one of you who feels like paying for twitter ai can ask grok what the timeline is for replacing Hormuz capacity with pipelines. ChatGPT thinks it's about 5 years.

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

If you really want to lower prescription drug prices, tell Republicans that Democrats said they have to take them. Demand will drop by ~50%.
#econ101

[Scott Jennings @ScottJenningsKY]

The president lowered prescription drug prices. We can, and will, take credit for that. Deal with it.

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@WallStreetMav Based on a study by economists funded by a right-wing think tank, as reported in a right wing online magazine. The arguments are no more persuasive now than they were when they started making them in the 1960s.

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@FrankLuntz Thank you president Mamdani!

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@JustineBateman Sort of like importing beef, selling it at a discount, and subsidizing cattle ranchers.
https://t.co/TN8SCVcExd

[The White House @WhiteHouse]

Rebuilding the ground beef herd and LOWERING prices for the American people. 🇺🇸

[Jim Geraghty @jimgeraghty]

If the U.S. intelligence community tells the president that North Korea has 57 nuclear weapons, then there is a very good chance that North Korea has 57 nuclear weapons. The U.S. intel community, as well as our allies, put a lot of effort and resources into tracking the North Korean nuclear weapons program, and nuclear weapons aren’t exactly easy to hide.

But there is a nonzero chance that North Korea has more than 57 nuclear weapons, as the South Korean defense ministry asserts. And if North Korea has, say, 59 nuclear weapons, the president’s statement effectively tells the regime in Pyongyang that the U.S. knows about 57 of them, but does not know about the other two.

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@theliamnissan Let’s tell them it’s a Democrat vaccine, and they have to take it.

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@woodyspigroasts 🤦‍♂️

[Max Kellerman @maxkellerman]

There is a real Hall of Fame case to be made for Nettles: he played the most underrepresented position in the Hall of Fame because it’s perceived as more of an offensive position than it really is. Nettles produced offense, all time elite 3B defense, and was great in the playoffs

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@MLB Happens in youth baseball a lot.

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@SecScottBessent https://t.co/eCH1HhHqhy

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@ksorbs Don't be a fucking ghoul.

If someone is overdosing, while handcuffed, face down in the street, and you kneel on his neck for 6 minutes, while he struggles to breath, and then he goes still, but you keep kneeling on his neck for another 3 minutes, you should go to jail.

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@nypost Weird how threats from Bessent are more credible than threats from Hegseth.

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@CaseyMattox_ You're mistaking Vance's failure for Buttigieg's success. What you're seeing is a B candidate leading a C candidate. Given the millstone of the Trump admin weighing on JD's candidacy, you could argue that being down only 5% is a sign of strength.

[Matthew Starensier @DemonWit]

@TheFungi669 Pretty sure it's his fault