Derek Goodridge

UK based Business Intelligence and Information Worker Solutions Specialist. Also on Bluesky.

[Derek Goodridge @derekgwt]

@readinglibrary Will Caversham branch still be open?

[Gary CHanning @GaryCHanning]

Anyone using a colander to watch the eclipse be careful, you may strain your eyes.

[Isadora Drunken @Isadora_Drunken]

My local coffee shop.

[Derek Goodridge @derekgwt]

I enjoyed this

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Derek Goodridge @derekgwt]

@LionelTwigg @TalkingPicsTV Bunuel gets my vote. The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie please.

[Derek Goodridge @derekgwt]

@robnitm @prodnose @terrychristian I can remember exactly where I heard it first. Charlie Gillett’s Honky Tonk on Radio London. I think he had one of the early demos.

[Royal Berkshire Archives @BerksArchives]

Today is World Tripe Day! Who knew there was such a day? Here is a sale catalogue for 28 St Mary's Butts, Reading, business premises, 'including the Goodwill of the Business, established over 100 years, of W. Fossett, Tripe Dresser etc.', dated 1950.

[Derek Goodridge @derekgwt]

Very good. Helen’s full article on the festival is excellent.

[Helen Lewis @helenlewis]

As soon as I heard about the Riyadh Comedy Festival, I pleaded with my boss to send me there. Who wouldn't want to watch Louis CK and Jimmy Carr do stand-up in, until recently, one of the most repressive Muslim countries in the world?

[Zack Korman @ZackKorman]

Copilot in Excel is a global financial crisis waiting to happen.

[Derek Goodridge @derekgwt]

@TalkingPicsTV I missed “La Bataille du rail” this morning. Any repeats in the schedule?

[Mark Steel @mrmarksteel]

If it turns out Mandelson went to Epstein’s island to buy a house but paid the wrong stamp duty he’ll be in REAL trouble.

[Derek Goodridge @derekgwt]

@CityFibre DM sent.

[Derek Goodridge @derekgwt]

@CityFibre I think this is your box? Someone has left the key in it.

[Private Eye Magazine @PrivateEyeNews]

A small number of ChatGPT employees jumped delightedly in the air as all their hard work was rewarded with top grades all over the country.

From the new Private Eye, out now.

[Derek Goodridge @derekgwt]

Excellent work by @EdConwaySky

[Ed Conway @EdConwaySky]

EXCLUSIVE

👗Billions of pounds of imports...
↗️Rising by more than 50% a year...
🛬Planes stuffed with cheap clothes...
🇨🇳And a loophole saving Chinese companies from £billions of UK taxes.

Behind the scenes of one of the biggest stories in the modern economy: e-commerce
👇

[Derek Goodridge @derekgwt]

Magnificent

[Interesting things @awkwardgoogle]

Ozzy Osbourne's Crazy Train on a xylophone is proof why every school needs a fully funded music program

[Derek Goodridge @derekgwt]

@ReadingCouncil Is it necessary to log in to get to the survey?

[Dan Neidle @DanNeidle]

There are fifteen million men with beards in the UK. I propose a beard tax of £10,000. It could raise £150bn.

[Ros Atkins @BBCRosAtkins]

On Tuesday, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt made a series of claims about the BBC's coverage of events in Gaza on Sunday. We've looked at the claims - and the number of misrepresentations and untruths that they contained.

[Derek Goodridge @derekgwt]

@WeAreOpenreach Ok thanks. Based upon neighbours’ experiences they may need more than one visit then!

[Derek Goodridge @derekgwt]

@WeAreOpenreach Hi, I have an appointment for Openreach to come and install BT full fibre in 2 weeks time. Do your guys do any pre installation surveying?