some bitch

Suck it.

[The Halfway Post @HalfwayPost]

BREAKING: White House lawyers are warning that if a blue wave occurs in the midterms, the stress of being investigated, impeached, and turned into a lame duck on the global stage could give Donald Trump a heart attack or stroke.

[some bitch @designbuff]

Did a search on New Year 2025 and accidentally typed Ew Year 2025, and honestly, that seems more appropriate.

[some bitch @designbuff]

Me: Buys fun sweaters for Halloween season.

Chicago, 84°: Hey girl, you wanna go to the beach?

[some bitch @designbuff]

I'm no longer at the age where I have dangerous curves. It's more like roundabouts, rumble strips and speed bumps now.

[some bitch @designbuff]

When you're trying to get the attention of your dog, named Beef, and his favorite thing is chicken, and you're standing outside yelling Beef...Beef, chicken, chicken, chicken, like some kind of meat auctioneer, it's at that moment you realize your mistake. #itsafamilyname #iykyk

[some bitch @designbuff]

If the hair on my head grew as fast as my surprise old lady hairs, I would be Rapunzel.

[some bitch @designbuff]

@JasmineForUS @MSG_MILES @matthewjdowd @MSNBC But will we ever get out of this fight for democracy? It's not like these people who want to destroy everything will not be a constant threat. Will we be able to fend it off each time? I feel like one misstep and we're screwed. I'm not giving up, but damn the hits keep coming!

[some bitch @designbuff]

I'm at my most blonde when I get out of the shower and I'm startled by my own tattoo. #itwasntaspider

[some bitch @designbuff]

Who needs lip filler when your dog can headbutt your mouth for free?

[some bitch @designbuff]

Today, I was startled awake by my own stomach noises, so that's cool because now I don't need an alarm clock.

[some bitch @designbuff]

Clock tease: When your satellite clock hasn't adjusted to the time change, and you wake up thinking you still have an hour of sleep ahead of you.

[some bitch @designbuff]

Saw a guy finish pumping his gas, rub the nozzle on his wrists like cologne, and then sniffed them. Do with that what you will.

[some bitch @designbuff]

If you're assembling something with your spouse and you dont place bets on how many arguments you'll have, are you really even married?

[some bitch @designbuff]

Something fun to do when you're forgetful and paranoid is dry some jeans in your dryer and later on, spend 10 minutes wondering what the haunted noises are in your basement.

[some bitch @designbuff]

I love it when my dog chooses to sleep in. I get it, buddy, you had a very stressful day of napping yesterday.

[some bitch @designbuff]

@7Veritas4 Love this for them.

[some bitch @designbuff]

Pro tip: Find someone that keeps things fun by joining you in the shower. Just make sure that "someone" isn't your dog. 😞

[some bitch @designbuff]

My healthcare provider sent me an email with a guide to aging. That's fun.

[some bitch @designbuff]

I don't know who needs to hear this, but stop having kids with Nick Cannon.

[some bitch @designbuff]

Lettuce is the slip 'n slide of food items.