Despicable Bree

occasionally amusing

[Despicable Bree @despicablebree]

In Australia, we don’t lock our doors because we’re scared of armed intruders.
We lock our doors to keep the fucking roos out

[Kathleen @sweatsntopknots]

Bro, stop trying to sleep with me.

I snore.

[Despicable Bree @despicablebree]

trust Satan to crop my handle out of my tweet

[Despicable Bree @despicablebree]

@Moxas_SOL @s8n It peaked in 2018 when I wrote that tweet

[toxic king @toxicking]

If I texted last, I’m not texting again ion care if we never talk again

[kira 👾 @kirawontmiss]

stop asking these mfs questions PLEASE

[kira 👾 @kirawontmiss]

how the heII you wanna go travel the world but order chicken tenders everywhere you go?

[kira 👾 @kirawontmiss]

FINALLY SOME GOOD NEWS

[Shay.. @roshaycherice]

I know I’m getting old all I do is check
my credit, bank account & email.

[HoodFamousTV @HoodFamousTV_]

Any of y’all play this in school?

[Niccoya @niccoyat]

You be on the toilet fighting the devil for an m&m size poop.

[Ivy 🫧 @IvyKungu]

boy dogs are so embarrassinnngggg!!! like why is your peepee out rn i’m trynna take a picture 😭

[i can be your long lost pal @PallaviGunalan]

my therapist told me i was a perfectionist and i told her that can’t be true because if i was i would be more successful and then we just kind of sat in silence for a minute and pondered what i had said

[Despicable Bree @despicablebree]

@straight_btw Umm whaaaat has happened?

[Ayesha @ayeshapati]

i see my friends for 20 mins n think life is worth living again

[charlie @chunkbardey]

it can be sooo healing to stay up til 3am. unfortunately it will also completely ruin your life

[Bethan Moore @Bethan_Kate]

I went to a baby group yesterday where the babies had to ‘pick’ toy vegetables and the v enthusiastic group leader said ‘everyone grab an aubergine’ and I said ‘that’s how we got into this mess in the first place, amiright?’ and literally nobody laughed