Daniel

software sales | navy vet | nuke engineer | theoretical physics | pilot | Jesus is king | pronouns: rib/eye

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@SusanEl31781681 @cindogg88 @RealSaltySlim Lmao. Is this Indian food from McDonald’s?

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@Higboltt @washington_21 @Fred_Blurst @oguzerkan Trump takes over Venezuela and soon Greenland, but those gosh darn permits are so freaking tough I guess we just lay down and die in the freezing cold!!

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@rasimo21 @RealSamBrokken It’s okay to be an idiot

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@Starbucks I was just told I couldn’t have water for medicine if I didn’t make a purchase. Last time I was a Starbucks the cashier made me wait 10 minutes in line because a DoorDash driver was using the store phone. Your service has gone to crap and I’m just not coming back.

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@digitalartchick @elonmusk That TDS chip stuck in you

[FilmX's Number One Fan @GAltringham]

I kid you not, Amazon Prime is running a version of this movie with this entire sequence removed—completely edited out—to make it less "dark."

Sacrilege. Damn streamers.

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE (1946)🎄

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@karvictho1 @ColbyBlair83 @axios They’re so educated that they are a leading contributor to the global economy /s

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@mckinneykelsey Why are you so upset at him?

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@hACkbEnjAMiN007 @jasoncrouch @NoContextHumans 4%

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@GurmutP @PopBase Or perhaps a guest

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@karvictho1 @ColbyBlair83 @axios I’m not interested in having a government decide what a fair share is. What if they think 50% of my labor income is fair?

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@ColbyBlair83 @axios If you need a parent you shouldn’t look for it in government. I wasn’t born to be a slave to taxes. Just because something functions doesn’t mean it should exist. And arguably most government entities don’t really function in the traditional sense of being effective and useful.

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@jasoncrouch @NoContextHumans Considering the cost of goods has doubled and my salary hasn’t, the new standard should be 10%

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@satanas_2024 @OHarfuch @GabSeguridadMX De que carajo hablas, no haces sentido

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@spooked75 @togo_miles You’re lying about edited videos. We all saw him win the large majority of arguments

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@jjc_00000 @peterjhasson Justin is rage baiting. Remember- don’t argue with an idiot, people may not know the difference

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@DavidDellett @Salem_Leopold @DLoesch Weapon of one destruction.

[Daniel @dgctiz]

@PolybiusChamp @sharland57753 @ventura_legal This guy will learn real soon how PR works. His thinly veiled hate will kill his political aspirations. Even Newsom and Kamala knew to speak out fully against political violence. I wonder if these are the views of Indiana Business College?