Richard Dickens

angry customer stories & retail adventuring

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

Welcome to my regular recountings of retail regalia

Rude cunts & entitled pricks across my experiences in retail since 2009

[Fuck You I Quit @fuckyouiquit]

*clears throat*

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

My Top 5 retail catchphrases from customers

"I know my rights!"
"You said I could have my money back"
"I want to speak to your manager"
"I'll see you when you're finished work"

and a personal favourite -
"I'll slash your throat"

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

Then proceeded to threaten me once a member of management had also confirmed they were in fact 'mistaken' with their recollection of events.

Continued their aggression towards me specifically as they left the shop.

#retailstories

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

Had exactly 12 minutes of calm at the start of my shift

My first customer - a person I had served two days prior & explained our returns policies in-depth to - decided to return their item.
1/3

#retailstories

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

Claimed I'd said full refund for any reason (I've never said that to ANY customer)
Claimed I hadn't explained any of the return T&Cs (again they were Explained At Length)
Claimed I'd offered them a free upgrade to a more expensive phone (obviously Nope)
2/3

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

5 minutes after opening:

"I need a new phone, not more than £20"

"Our cheapest phone is £30, but try Other Phone Shop on the next street"

"Fuck you, I need a phone for £20"

"Ok, go to the Other Phone Shop then"

"I'm gonna get you when you finish work"

0-100 every damn time

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

"I know my rights"

a sentence universally vomited out by people who - exactly 100% of the time - do NOT know their rights

#retail #customers #generalpublic

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

Today's stupidest quote from Angry Customer No. 475839

"Why wouldn't I get my money back? It's only a SMALL hole in the screen"

[Fuck You I Quit @fuckyouiquit]

Today is May Day. Today is a day we celebrate the contributions of workers everywhere and recommit to securing our basic workers bill of rights: living wages, good benefits, and safe working conditions for all.

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

Customer is barred for theft & threatening staff.

Sends his mate in to get items for him.

We refuse the sale to his friend as well (because we have the right to)

His mate then gets banned for death threats too.

It's like they never learn 😂

#retail #retailstories #customers

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

Customers who put their hands down their trousers and cup their own junk (always cis men btw)
then attempt to use that hand to give you money 🤮

a refusal to take that dick-stain cash then results in death threats

#retail #retailstories #customers

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

Like many businesses during the pandemic, we had protective screens at our tills.

One pink-faced gammon was so offended by the transparent plastic, he punched them repeatedly before breaking one in half.

He then demanded an apology from the shop for his anguish.

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

Things customers have said to me at work

- I'm going to slit your throat
- you're going to die today
- I'll blow up this shop
- Dirty little faggot, I'll kill you
- See this phone? Buy it off me or I'll smash it into your face
- next time I see you I'll just stab you

#retail

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

I’ve said it before, but if we all just decided not to take part in Monday, there’s nothing anyone could do about it. But some of you always crack and actually start the day. Ruins it for the rest of us. We have to hold strong as a unit. Shame.

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

“It’s not quite what I had in mind”
https://t.co/o3oSu8p402

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

Rude customer emails the company to complain about the terrible service.

Complaint is upheld by upper management.

Staff member requires 'retraining'.
Staff member quits soon after.

#retail #retailstories

2/2

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

Customer, ignores a line of a dozen people
*throws item at the till staff*
"I'm in a rush"

There's a queue, please join it

"No, I'm in a rush just do your job"

Ok. next please! *Waves customer from queue"

1/2

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

Simple one to start today

Customer simply informed me I looked disgusting and then walked back out.

They purchased nothing.

They had entered the shop specifically to do only this

#retail #retailstories

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

Staff were told it "wasn't that bad" and to just "take 5 minutes to calm down"

The police were not called.

The two men returned later to double down on their threats

#retail

[Richard Dickens @dick_squared]

Pair of young men (18 yrs old maybe) trying to sell some old junk, told the price & they weren't too pleased it was pennies.

Proceeded to get irate, threaten staff, rip the till screen off the counter & throw it before punching a staff member in the face.

#retail