local degen

[Michael Scimbobulous, CFA @ScrimboSaggins]

I very much enjoy a 9am Celsius because it allows me to more efficiently interrupt and talk over female coworkers

[Pugmane🐾 🐛 🥫 @pugmane]

Thank god.

I’m hearing Ned Stark is stable and taking the black.

[doomer @uncledoomer]

hantavirus? more like faggot virus. you are gay

[epic cat looking galaxy glasses @FaggotLabubu]

Stripping ass naked and going fishing like a brown bear in a river

[Friday Beers @Friday_Beers]

“i’m engaged!” “i’m pregnant!” “i just bought a house!” i just took a shit and there wasn't any blood

[richard @richard_normal]

santavirus outbreak aboard north pole cruise leaves hundreds stranded. symptoms include widespread holiday cheer and goodwill towards your fellow man. five dead.

[jake @wormpuller]

To the untrained eye I may appear retarded

[Old Man Rattle @OldRattleMan]

stirring up my poop in the toilet with a yardstick

[🇨‌🇦‌🇷‌🇿‌🇪‌🇳‌ @e0syn]

my dick may not be 12 inches but it sure smells like a foot

[Joseph 🕊️ @CaudilloXIV]

Going to the gym not as a lifter but as a pervert

[hannah jones @hannahjonescool]

If u think about it an audience is just a bunch of cuck chairs filled with cucks watching me penetrate the landscape of ideas

[Dec @utter_deckhead]

When I was 5 years old my dad had a Tom Cruise movie on the TV and in the middle of an action sequence (I don't remember it) I said "Daddy, when that man does exciting things my willy gets hard" and he just sat in silence for the rest of the movie

[HowlingMutant @Howlingmutant0]

Making love to a woman only for her to wake in the dead of night to find me perched on her fire escape like a gargoyle and I whisper “Dont tell the world about my penis” before I extend my arms like the Crow and drop backwards, breaking every bone in my body on the pavement below

[jake @wormpuller]

Pulling my pants all the way down to my ankles to take a piss in the trash can at planet fitness

[☀️AliquisNovus☀️ @PalmyrPar]

To get ahead in life, you must imagine the best version of yourself raping the worst version of yourself. And you must masturbate to it. This is the only way.

[big content guy @bigcontentguy]

democrats-the pope is good

republicans- the pope is bad

chinese garfield- ooo john prease
make rasagna again

[Horsetype gentlefriend @corpsglorieux]

Just watched a crow pick up a tiny wounded sparrow, fly up to a tree, and drop it on the pavement repeatedly for like 5 minutes

[UwUTangClan @Executivejeff1]

getting fully undressed to brush my teeth

[FIORE @drakebonergif]

i just shattered my $300 rick and morty bong over the head of my neighbor’s dog for no reason

[Chuckfug @Chuckfug]

Peeing in the shower is truly an indulgent joy, only rivaled by slapping my nonverbal son