Geoff Subway™

they call me Subway because I promise 6 inches but only deliver 5

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

I do not think therefore I am not

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

good afternoon, boss.
Monthly report is coming along well.
Yes, I removed the post about "lunchmogging my stupid chud coworkers" as instructed

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

if you tell a modern day fujo and a 17th century pirate that their ship is canon they would both be delighted for very different reasons

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

my team will be focusing not on what they can teach us, but on what we can teach them

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

many agree that now is the time for a more cunning, ethically dubious expert on chimpanzee behavior

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

her monster clit got me thumb wrestling 0-2

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

@jynsetlux the hounds beckon. heed the call

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

I'm not usually one to overshare personal problems on here, but the bank just foreclosed on my Mind Palace and pretty soon I'm going to have to be visualizing out of my Mind Car

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

ass to ass
dust to dust

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

what the fuck guys I just went to go stare at the sun and there was some weird shit in the way

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

you're telling me the bear won 4 Emmys and the twink didn't get ANY?

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

loading 9/10 of my spell slots with "shit pants" so I can spam it without cooldown on any haters foolish enough to aggro me

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

accidentally shoplifted from walmart on "Sharia Law Day" (opposite of The Purge) and the loss prevention officer I called "porky dumbass" did not hesitate to cut off my fingers

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

starting all of my work emails with "if you're reading this that means I'm dead"

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

there's a pretty huge colony of wasps living in my car and they only stop stinging me if I play NPR

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

can we get some answers on this one

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

I can easily find out the social security number of any of my enemies by simply counting upward from all the people born before them

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

I'm biased on the issue of deforestation because trees are the greatest enemy of drunk drivers

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

I wouldn't wish nautical nonsense on my worst enemy

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

prototype Neuralink installed in my skull that only releases dopamine when I receive reddit karma. each upvote is like 1,000 orgasms

[Geoff Subway™ @dickribs]

You're telling me I have to PAY for chapstick?

There's a SUBSCRIPTION FEE for not having CHAPPED LIPS?