Jeff Carson

just a white guy with a man bun

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

Happy Valentines Day to Life, because no one fucks me better than it does. #RedLobster

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

@katiematt08 yessss ma'am! You da one boooo.

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

Just fell in love with an American Airlines passenger on the way to Colombia, so let's plan a wedding! ... For him and his fiancée...

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

If I see a woman carrying a Vera Bradley bag in 2016, I just assume she's a lesbian.

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

My mom MIGHT have just SUBTLY implied that she thinks I'm on drugs.

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

I might be a tall fuck who can't fit in a muggle bathtub, but that @lushcosmetics bath bomb got my skin sparkle on FLEEK. #aintmad

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

This is what a bath looks like for a fucking tall person.

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

Everyone's laughing because Sarah Palin is endorsing Trump, but I'm terrified 'cause my family is probs gonna love that.

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

The male strippers last night liked my hair. 👍🏾

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

Biscuits or it didn't happen.

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

People who have pink eye telling their Facebook friends. Bitch that means you got shit in your eye, just say it's allergies. 😷💅🏿

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

One way not to make a great impression: Walk into a room full of women, look at all the food on the table, and say, "Nice spread, ladies!"

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

I like Chik-Fil-A because they treat me like the queen I am. #mypleasure

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

I did not take a single picture. 5 days in Denver. No pictures. #noevidence2016

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

I'm in Denver and whoa.

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

Wow the Denver homeless are like...super attractive.

[Maria Waldkirch @MariaWaldkirch]

Calorie Count for 2016:

Already too many.

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

Sitting here drinking my morning beer and two basic Midwesterners come in and order coffees. 😒

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

Can't wait to see how many guys aren't interested in me in 2016. 🎉

[Jeff Carson @dietkerouac]

Is it just me or do you feel like some of your friends' parents celebrate like... 6 anniversaries a year...?