Intoxicated Ivan

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

"There is no booze in this house"
As a rule? Or are we just out?

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

I don't mean to confuse you, but the oven is set to EDT.

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

I'm Lindsey Graham, and I look like the word 'cuck' with each letter written on top of each other.

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

As a rich white person, my offer to mansplain stands.

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

Tautologies are tautological

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

Who knew the invisible hand was into autoerotic asphyxiation?

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

- Do you have a preferred name for boolean inversion?
- I think not.

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

A nontrivial part of my job is arguing with foreigners about databases.

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

Cheeseburgers don't taste like cheese.

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

White St? They're all white streets; at least North of MLK.

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

Everyone I talk to is on the clock.

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

The worst part of winter is that no one can tell that you're vaping.

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

- "I'm queen of the dark arts"
- You mean making french fries?
- "Yes"

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

Ah hurricanes, the giraffe's natural enemy.

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

That's the worst thing to happen to music since the bagpiper's wife died.

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

Bitch! Are you done patronizing me?

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

You don't have to smile after you fart, I can tell when you fart.

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

You know what I hate? Being told to patch code that I was told is temporary.

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

"You can't use a logical fallacy as a counter argument." Well, you're a straw man.

[Intoxicated Ivan @dirnkdrankdrunk]

"Are you going to stop fucking with me?" No, a marriage is forever.