callie

Tastes like Splenda gets drunk like Scotch

[callie @dirtykidlife]

Being a sub is kind of like being a sugar baby except the dude you're with isn't twice your age #WednesdayWisdom

[callie @dirtykidlife]

To be safe we lose our chance of ever knowing what's around the riverbend #Pocahontas #DisneyLifeLessons

[callie @dirtykidlife]

I'm tequila drunk watching the jungle book #WednesdayWisdom #parenting

[callie @dirtykidlife]

Should I kill myself during this game or wait until it's over?

[callie @dirtykidlife]

#WeirdPaintColors bruised knee

[callie @dirtykidlife]

#WeirdPaintColors old guacamole

[callie @dirtykidlife]

#WeirdPaintColors thrown up coffee

[callie @dirtykidlife]

#WeirdPaintColors unseasoned chicken (the blandest shade of white)

[callie @dirtykidlife]

#WhenYouThinkYouAreAlone and you masturbate loudly only to walk into a living room full of extremely uncomfortable people...

[callie @dirtykidlife]

#WhenYouThinkYouAreAlone but your house wants to make noise like you're in a scary movie

[callie @dirtykidlife]

😍🤤

[callie @dirtykidlife]

" you love me because I'm fragile, and I thought that I was strong"

Why is music so beautiful 😭😭

[van 🗡️ @covendyke]

dating someone based solely on their looks is so shallow. consider other things, like their favorite season of american horror story

[callie @dirtykidlife]

Project Runway Allstars has all my favorites this year 😍😍

[callie @dirtykidlife]

When this #ravens game comes on I'm about to start chugging beer like I'm sponsored

[callie @dirtykidlife]

@sosadtoday @shanawagner

[callie @dirtykidlife]

@breezy50 The devil trying to make you sad since you're to happy. Don't do it.

[Desus MF Nice💯 @desusnice]

theres some sort of flashing lights over nyc right now so we had a good run i guess?