distantgrapes

I may be an asshole, but at least I’m not a piece of shit. These are jokes, folks.

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

when insta start tellin’ people you zoomed in on they shit we all done for

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

Traveling in Pennsylvania summed up in a picture.

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

Traveling during spring in Pennsylvania summed up in a picture.

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going to pick this scab and brother do I have some bad news

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

An option play, 3 4th down tries, qb under center for 4th and goal…who is the Penn state team?! #PennStateFootball

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

The boy wanted to be a baseball card. So he’s a baseball card. @Mets #Mets #petealonso

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

My son always referred to @Mets first baseman Pete Alonso as “Pizza Lonso”

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

One and a third innings into the Mets season and I’ve already said “this guy stinks” about Clay Holmes. I’m so happy baseball is back! #LGM

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

At @WellsFargoCtr for the @NHLFlyers game and the boy had to stop to take a picture with @steveaustinBSR

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

Still crazy how much heat @TrueKofi’s upper lip draws as a heel.

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

Why does using a printer feel like a very boomer thing to do?

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

I’m honestly amazed as to how much @TrueKofi shaving his mustache off helped get him over as a heel. I could’ve gone my whole life not seeing that upper lip.

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

@joesmeltzer775 Hopefully we don’t have to play Michigan.

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

I hope Shifting Gears does well but it’s hard to believe that Kat Denning’s is in another sitcom playing another woman who is broke in a timeline when OF exists…

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

Imagine if @PennStateFball had the NIL capability of ensuring Allar, Warren, Carter, and Allen all come back next season. @PSUBarstool

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

I live for @PatMcAfeeShow telling people they suck immediately after blowing the biggest opportunity of their lives. #collegegameday

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

So far the smartest thing I’ve done as a parent is tell my children that all the stink bugs that are in our house are named Don Julio and they work for Santa checking in to see if they’re behaving instead of having to do Elf on a Shelf. #ParentingTips

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

@joesmeltzer775 I mean, it’s against a new opponent in the Big10 that we don’t know much about and every game from here on out is basically win or don’t get in the playoff. Still holds a lot of weight and we’ve lost dumber games late in the season.

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

@PSUBarstool You think Peacock would’ve paid the refs more than whatever Ohio state fluffer paid them if they wanted the whole country to tune in to the app to watch the white out.

[distantgrapes @distantgrapes]

Davante Adams to the Jets is another Raiders chapter in stupidity.