mary

Attempting to eat my way across the United States.

[kenzi @kenzianidiot]

is it like on the bachelorette and there are two men named Jesus Christ so he has to go by “Jesus H”?

[kenzi @kenzianidiot]

does anyone know why we call him “Jesus H. Christ”? like is his middle name harvey or something?

[mary @dmackma]

@themeats_ prepare yourself. 😂

[Midwest vs. The Rest @midwestern_ope]

being a midwesterner is:

- knowing "the other day" could mean yesterday or 1992

- entering a house through the garage instead of the front door

- saying “all good no worries” when it is not all good and there are plenty of worries

Plastic bag full of plastic bags

[mary @dmackma]

It should come as no surprise “The Shaggy D.A.” was a childhood favorite 😂

[Jed @Jedshepherd]

I post this video every year because it makes me happy. I hope it makes you happy too.

[💯Jen 💯 @jenniferkrneta]

I may not know the people in my neighborhood but I know the dogs and where they live.

[mary @dmackma]

@CrumblCookies @CrumblCookies ❤️

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Soup. And this is the energy Soup is bringing to the workplace in 2023. 13/10 we respect it

[Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but buying shit you don’t need, even at a discount, will not cure depression or anxiety.

What you need is a dog.

[Dadman Standing @dadmann_walking]

me: finally we have some savings built up again

our dryer: oh that's so awes- *dies*

[Midwest vs. The Rest @midwestern_ope]

I’ve never seen a more Midwestern text

[mary @dmackma]

@chipgaines Holy Shiplap!!! How fun! I’ll be 55 in November what a great way to celebrate 🎉

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Not sure if my wife didn't hear me say I was coming down with a cold or if she is ignoring me. Guess I'd better mention it another 67 times.

[𝐒𝐢𝐦✞✞✞ @WhoTFissim]

Ain’t no way we used to call our mama job and ask to speak to her like she ain’t working 😂

[ADHD Jesse @adhdjesse]

ADHD is asking “what are we talking about again?” when you’re the one that was talking.

[Dadman Standing @dadmann_walking]

40% of my wife and I's conversations go like this:

me: what?
wife: i was talking to the dog

[arabelle sicardi 英梅 @arabellesicardi]

i want more "run errands with me" friends. no i do not want to spend $85 on a dinner to catch up. but i will go to costco and an estate sale with you and then some tacos

[Leo Kirts @LeoKirts]

I need to know more about this community.

[The Cultured Ruffian @CulturedRuffian]

Coworkers: What did you do this weekend?

Me: Made some Michael Jackson videos with my cat.

Coworkers: Cats cannot perform to a Michael Jackson song?!

My Cat: